Have you ever confided in your friend that you want a boyfriend, and their suggestion was to “chill and relax because they’ll find you when you’re ready”? Seriously, how many times have you heard that crap before, and how many times did you scream right after?
Of course, it makes sense and probably works. But you’re on a mission, and that’s to find a hottie, so you don’t have time to chill or relax. You want a boyfriend like yesterday!
People say that destiny will always help you find the right one. However, will that same destiny direct you to him if you lock yourself in a room away from every potential partner? Probably not.
Maybe you’ve been putting yourself out there and dating for a while, but every guy you encounter has been a creep, a dud, or just not your type. You’ve gone on a few cringe-worthy dinner dates with some randos without finding your perfect match, and quite frankly, it’s becoming exhausting.
At this point, you’re ready to confine yourself within the four walls of your bedroom and call it a day. Besides, according to your eight-year-old self, boys are stupid anyway!
You’ve relented to being that independent, strong woman all those songs tell you about. You don’t need a guy; you have yourself! Hmmph!
The problem is, you don’t need him, but you sure do want him. You want a guy who will shower you with diamonds and pearls, one that will whisk you away to Paris at a moment’s notice and send flowers to your job every day. You want a guy standing outside your bedroom window, professing his love while holding up a boom box and playing your favorite 80s Peter Gabriel song.
But then you wake up! That’s never going to happen, so enough of the rom-com crap. But you still want a companion, a friend, a lover, and someone who will always be in your corner, no matter what. You. Want. A. Boyfriend.
But before you put yourself back out there with the sharks, think about why you want a guy. Are you lonely? Then perhaps you should consider looking for friends instead of a boyfriend. A friend can give you the companionship you’re searching for, and finding one is easy when you search online. There are plenty of websites strictly for platonic friends.
Before trying to find your perfect dating match, ensure you’re genuinely comfortable with yourself. In other words, don’t look for a guy simply because you are insecure and lonely.
This guide is all about how to find the perfect guy for you. You’ll find practical suggestions that scientific theories have proved. So, let’s begin!
1. Enjoy Your Life to the Fullest
When you start dipping your toe into the dating pool, pursue and explore the things you like. As you do this, you’re likely to encounter someone who shares your same interests.
For example, some people like going on hikes, so take yourself on a nature walk. By being there on your hike, you might run into someone who enjoys a brisk walk in the woods, too. If not, so what? You got in some great exercise for your body, mind, and soul, and that’s still a win.
However, don’t count yourself out just because being outdoors isn’t your thing. You may prefer libraries or coffee houses. Frequent those places as much as you can because you may encounter your dream guy enjoying a cup of java and reading the latest thriller.
You are also most likely chill and friendlier as you do what you enjoy. The glowing smile on your face will tell all as you appear more beautiful and confident in your preferred surroundings.
2. Search for Your Type
They say opposites attract, but there’s no harm in finding someone with the same core values as you. Even if you’ve never had a boyfriend, you already understand what physical and emotional characteristics interest you.
For example, you may prefer a tall guy with dark hair and a sense of humor. This is only your starting point. You find that exact type, but you can still consider someone who is the opposite. There’s no harm in dating different people with various backgrounds. There’s a perfect match for everyone.
What if your type is quiet, mysterious guys who lean toward the intellectual side? On the other hand, you may prefer a guy that’s opinionated and more into sports. The point is, what guy is right for you may not be the same for someone else.
3. Join Groups
If you’re more of an introvert, join an online group. Once you become more comfortable, consider meeting up with others from the group.
It’s the same for online dating. You may feel uncomfortable meeting someone you met online at first, but after you get to know them, you can always set up a time to have a no-pressure date for coffee or a casual lunch.
The best thing about dating online is that you can join a specific group with similar interests. For example, if you want to meet divorced guys, you can sign up for specific sites. Other examples include:
Not sure if dating apps are right for you? Some even offer free trials, so you have absolutely nothing to lose.
If you’re ready to put yourself out there and meet someone face-to-face, try joining a youth or church group if religion is important to you. Being part of this group can open you up to others seeking the same involvement with their spirituality.
Have you ever thought about volunteering? Now may be the time. Doing so allows you to make a difference in the life of others while possibly finding your perfect mate who also enjoys giving back to the community. It’s a win-win for everyone!
Tip: Make sure you join groups that you’re fully invested in. It would be uncomfortable meeting someone when you’re not being your authentic self and pretending to be something or someone you’re not.
4. Sign Up for Events
It’s time to put yourself out there and be seen and heard. Don’t you want people to know that there is an exciting person (you!) who’s looking to mingle with other interesting people?
Good, because while hanging out around town, watch for anyone exciting and new. You may even come across a hot guy on the same quest you are; finding a mate. If you do, you increase your chances of finding your Prince Charming. See how easy that was?
So, think again the next time you veto participating on the company picnic committee. You may meet the guy of your dreams who is hardworking and goal-oriented while simultaneously planning your department’s yearly egg toss.
But if you’re looking for someone who likes to party, don’t skip your friend’s soiree next Saturday night.
5. Blind Dates Anyone?
OK, you can stop laughing now because, for every blind date horror story, there are two more happy endings.
So consider your friends and family your dating extension cord to help you reach out to eligible bachelors. Your loved ones know you well enough, or hopefully, they do, to help you find a guy you’re attracted to.
But, consider carefully. Which of your family and friends are most likely to suggest someone you’d like? If cousin Effie has a track record of serial dating losers and cousin Linda is married and has successfully matched up other family members, who will you go with? (Psssst, it ain’t cousin Effie.)
6. Do a Little More Flirting
Suppose you want to snag a boyfriend, then smile a little more. How can you land a hottie if you can’t even make yourself smile? Jeez!
Get out there and do some more flirting. Then, of course, find the cutie with all the muscles or the nice, quiet guy who glances up at you over his book. Whatever your type is, go for it. But remember, keep options open.
And be bold and strike up a conversation. However, if you talk to strangers, do it in a crowded, public space. Unfortunately, you may be connecting with a weirdo, so better to be safe than sorry!
How to Successfully Flirt with Him
Yeah, sure, you have a crush on him, which can be exciting. But let’s be honest. It can also be slightly nerve-wracking. When you form a connection with someone, it’s exciting to watch those sparks begin to light up. Of course, a little bit of flirting can’t hurt the cause.
Unfortunately, flirting isn’t natural for all of us, so here are a few ways to flirt and catch your object of desire.
Ask Meaningful Questions
When you ask questions, your crush will know you’re interested. Being inquisitive is a major part of flirting because not only does it help you get to know them, but demonstrating interest will make them want to be around you becau.
For example, ask about their T-shirt with the band name on it. It’s a great conversation starter and shows that you’re interested in their hobbies.
Open Up More
When you talk to them, remember to include your interests. Doing so creates a more exciting and natural discussion.
Additionally, don’t allow them to do all the talking. You have a voice so let your interests be known. Never be afraid to tell stories about yourself. Sharing parts of your life helps form a connection and encourages your crush to open up more.
Sometimes these conversations happen organically, but if it doesn’t, take the lead. For example, make a flirty joke, “You never did ask me about my beautiful singing,” or whatever relevant topic.
When You See Them, Smile and Say “Hello”
Sometimes it’s the smaller interactions that seal the deal. If you see your crush walking through the hallways, smile briefly, wave, or say “hi.” You don’t need to engage in a long conversation (unless it’s what you want to.) Keep it brief and keep it moving.
Relax and Be Yourself
There’s nothing worse than a nervous and awkward flirter. The most important thing to remember when flirting is to be your true self.
Don’t try to come off as the sex kitten when that’s not who you are. Guys will be interested in you for you, and if your crush doesn’t, it’ll sting like the dickens, but you’ll be fine. Besides, that’s how you figure out if they’re the right person for you, so if the flirting didn’t work, NEXT!
Be Straightforward and Honest
This doesn’t mean walking up to your crush and asking them point blank if they’re interested in you or shouting from the rooftops that you like them.
Instead, try dropping a hint here and there that you’re into them. For example, you can tell them that you had fun at last Saturday night’s party, or that the joke they told was so funny.
However, if you sense a mutual attraction, you should ask your crush if they’re interested in going out sometime. The date doesn’t need to be anything big. You can keep it casual by meeting at a coffee shop or hanging out at the beach with friends, so there’s no pressure.
But, if they say they aren’t interested or decline your offer, it will probably hurt, but you’re better off long-term because you found out early.
The quicker you figure out they’re not interested, the faster you can move on and find the right person. Never be afraid to get rejected. Not everyone is going to be into you, and that’s OK.
Maintain Eye Contact
One surefire way to let someone know you’re interested is by maintaining eye contact when you two are talking. This shows interest in them and what they’re saying. You’re invested in the discussion and not thinking about where you will go for lunch.
People can feel you’re not present or interested in what they’re saying when you look around the room. However, maintaining eye contact when talking to someone feels connective, which is good.
If you meet your crush’s eye while walking in the hallway, or hanging out with friends, don’t look away immediately. Instead, hold their gaze for a few seconds and then look away. Doing this is a subtle way of showing your interest and attraction.
Make Subtle Body Language Gestures
If you use small, subtle touches like gently brushing your fingertips across their arm when walking or talking, they’ll get the hint and know you’re interested.
You can also show interest without physical contact. Instead, lean in or face your entire body toward them when you’re talking. Also, hold eye contact and smile or laugh if they say something funny.
However, reading someone’s body language is essential to understand if they’re open to your touch. If you sense they are uncomfortable, pull back.
Make Them Smile with a Text
Don’t spend hours agonizing over what to write to your crush. Instead, write something lighthearted and simple, like asking about their weekend.
If they were absent in class or at work, send a message stating you noticed they weren’t there. Are congratulations in order? Send a simple “Good job” or “congrats” text if they did something worthy.
Do they like a particular TV show or movie on Netflix? Recommend similar shows. Another option is to send a funny TikTok video. Finally, if you’re going to see them at an upcoming party, send a short message stating you’re looking forward to running into them.
But, if you’re in doubt, always go for a cutesy emoji to seal the text deal. For example, if you send a text asking how their day was, attach an eye-heart emoji or a hug emoji to add a little flirtiness to the text.
Make It a Group Date
If you’re hesitant to ask out your crush or even do a one-on-one, consider hanging out with a group. Having your friends by your side can help ease the tension and make you feel more confident. Additionally, it’ll be a more relaxed environment, making it easier to build an authentic connection.
7. Travel by Yourself
Sometimes, women are discouraged when it comes to traveling alone. People tell you how dangerous it is, and you know what? They may be right, especially if you don’t take the proper precautions. This is why it’s vital to conduct a little research on any place you plan to visit.
You don’t necessarily have to leave the country or even the state. Start small by visiting local spots. You’ll be in more familiar and possibly friendlier territory.
When ready, make a short trek to the next state over because you may meet the guy of your dreams there. Some people even prefer long-distance relationships, so that’s a plus if it works out.
If you’re feeling extra adventurous, travel to another country. You can check out the sites and then check out the guys. And who doesn’t love a sexy accent? Oooolala!
8. Stay Optimistic
After being shot down a few times, it can be challenging to believe in love. With so many breakups and divorces, you may feel like love doesn’t exist, so why bother?
Newsflash! You will find a boyfriend, but you won’t if you are constantly pessimistic about the situation. Instead of viewing a great new guy treating you like he should, you may already have visions of him cheating and treating you lousy.
We get it; you can’t find love. But it is out there. Of course, it would help if you believed that first. But, then, you should also respond when love comes knocking on your door, and it will. Just make sure you’re ready.
9. Be Yourself
One of the worst things you can do is meet a guy under false pretenses. If you start dating, you must keep up the facade, which can be exhausting. So, no matter what happens, you should always be your true self.
Doing this makes you feel more relaxed because you’re not trying to hide anything. If you’re more chill, the better it is for the relationship.
10. Be Confident
Men love confident women, but at the same time, he wants someone he can take care of if needed. Sounds confusing, doesn’t it? But, just as you’re looking for a specific type, he’s doing the same.
Give your partner the option to pamper or “save” and protect you. Of course, you are a woman who can take care of herself, but slapping that fact in his face isn’t helping the possible relationship. Instead, you want him to feel like you need him to a certain degree, just as he needs you.
11. Don’t Jump into a Sexual Relationship
The dating scene can be rough. Some guys you meet may expect you to have sex with them immediately. Regardless of the chemistry, it’s advised not to have sex on the first date.
You may think you know them over a three-hour dinner, but chances are there is much more to be discovered, and you don’t want to find out about something negative after engaging in sexual intercourse.
Of course, people have secrets; you may date for months and still don’t know everything. But the relationship’s chances are better if you hold off. Doing so helps you determine if he’s a good guy who likes you or just wants to get you into bed.
You may be protesting and saying, why not if the chemistry is there? Remember, you’re looking for a boyfriend, not a roll in the hay. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sex on a first date, but they have dating apps for that.
Your perfect match is out there for you, so relax and enjoy the ride. But remember, don’t lose your identity while searching for a guy. Additionally, you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not. When the right one comes along, you’ll know it.