You’ve already established the initial attraction. He smiles at you, and you smile back. But from there, you have yet to decide what to do next. These small windows of opportunity can keep things heated or cause the fire to fizzle.
Developing good flirting skills takes experience and time. It would be best if you did it to increase the chemistry between you two. However, the only way to do that is by exercising caution, or the situation can go south quickly and cause one or both parties to lose interest.
The good news is; flirting doesn’t have to be as complicated as some may make it. It’s all about being lovable, genuine, and natural to your object of interest. However, a flirting style changes drastically depending on the person or relationship.
For example, casual relationships can include major flirting, but people tend to take things slower when searching for long-term, serious relationships. Flirting typically evolves over time for a person looking for something more permanent in a partner.
Here are some general rules for flirting, whether casual or long-term.
1). Eye Contact
Never discredit the power of eye contact. There is something so powerful and magnificent about locking eyes with someone else, regardless if it’s from across a crowded room or standing right next to you. How our eyes connect deeply impact how another person feels.
However, because of its potency, you should understand how to do it correctly. Too much eye contact may be uncomfortable and intimidating. Very little (or no) eye contact may create a disconnect between the two.
End the encounter on a win, so don’t look back too quickly. Instead, give it up to a minute to see if you caught their attention. If you did, acknowledge them with a quick wave and a smile. From there, knowing if you should approach them or take the L and move on should be obvious.
2). Play With Your Confidence Level
It doesn’t matter if you’re a beginner or a flirt master; flirting is guaranteed to build excitement and have fun. It’s something two people can enjoy to the fullest.
The key is to be confident about how you carry yourself in the relationship. Self-confidence plays a major role in teasing, flirting, showing affection, or just a bit of frisky fooling around.
If you lean more toward the beginning level of flirting, start small. Give a sly wink or a slight smile. Make it so they need to keep glancing at you to determine if you’re flirting.
3). Show Interest during a Conversation by Smiling
One of the sexiest gestures you can do is pay mindful attention to what your partner is saying and participate in the conversation. This involves acknowledging them with a smile or by asking questions.
However, remember to participate but not to take over the conversation and make every point about yourself. Instead, you want to let them know that you value and understand their opinions.
Do this by picking up on the small details and adding a related comment so they feel seen and heard. This helps build a lasting impression. This method works for people meeting for the first time and those involved in a relationship.
4). Let Them Get To Know
Of course, sharing details about your life experiences, passions, and everything you love can help build an intimate connection with someone. They’ll see a side they and others don’t typically witness, which helps create a sense of understanding and trust.
In addition, a sprinkle of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself is always helpful and is one guaranteed way to flirt successfully. Finally, follow this up with inquiries on what you’d like to know about them. This gives them a chance to open up as well.
Note: When you ask questions, keep them light and fun. For example, you want to avoid coming off looking like Agent 007 when you ask what prompted them to leave their hometown so quickly.
5). Physical Touching That’s Subtle (And Respectful)
If you want to flirt through physical touch, note that it needs to be done with careful attention to needs to be executed properly.
Avoid this method if you hold steady at a negative four on the flirting scale. However, if you feel more confident in respectfully pulling this off, use a subtle touch to maintain and add to immense chemistry.
For intimate touches, try touching near the 3 Hs that include:
If you’re a guy, offer your hand while coming down the steps or even use a more classic style by tucking your partner’s hair behind her ears. These are gentle ways of flirting to show your interest.
For women, softly touch his arm as a means to show your appreciation. Or, touch his shoulder when you laugh at his joke.
Note: it is NEVER OK to cross boundaries and do something that makes the other person uncomfortable. If you decide to try and pull this off, please do so respectfully.
6). Use Texts to Flirt or Tease
This is the easiest method to flirt because there is plenty of stimulation and suspense between the back-and-forth of fun and cutesy conversations.
Text messages allow you the time to think and respond with something humorous while also adding in some of the confidence of not being physically present. To amp up the thrilling factor, use GIFS and graphics. Doing so will jazz up the conversation.
While doing this, be sure to notice your partner’s response. If their responses come slowly and are dry, pull back some. Never be afraid to cease the conversation to avoid being the only one to initiate it.
Also, don’t take it personally. You may feel rejected if you see they read your response but have yet to reply. However, keep in mind people aren’t always available when you are. So give them a chance to reply. If you’ve given them ample time and they don’t respond, move on.
7). Do the Head Tilt
When you tilt your head as someone is speaking, it shows engagement and interest. So tilt your head and gaze at them when you are speaking with someone to let them know you are present and interested.
However, be sure that you don’t look over their head or all around the room. When this happens, it demonstrates the opposite–a lack of sensitivity and interest.
8). Lean in When Talking or Listening
When flirting, you can’t always rely on verbal cues. Often, it’s the nonverbal signs that show you’re interested. For example, leaning in toward someone is a nonverbal way of telling them how interested you are in what they have to say. This method works particularly well when in groups and one person within the group holds your interest.
When your point of interest is speaking in a group setting, show you’re interested by leaning forward toward them. Doing so subconsciously pulls them in your direction, letting them know you want to hear more.
Mirroring someone means to nonverbally “copy” their body language. Ways of mirroring include simulating their:
- Leg position
- Hand gestures
So what does mirroring have to do with flirting? It’s not only about outright copying somebody’s body language. Mirroring is supposed to be subtle.
So if you wish to mirror with attraction, do it without them noticing. Take cues from them. If they are speaking and lean forward, subtly do the same. If they whisper, lower your voice, too.
Mirroring includes small momentary nods and dips of the head, stretched lips, tense fingers, and bodily movements. When these motions are matched with someone else, it will cause a strong rapport. Wouldn’t it be sexy to be synced up with your crush?
10). Keep the Compliments Coming
One of the best ways to flirt and show interest is to attract people with compliments. Recent studies indicate that receiving praise from another person is the best way to motivate. So, if you want to encourage someone, shower them with compliments.
For example, a simple “Ooo, I really like that shirt because it complements your hair” is an excellent way to encourage positive interaction.
Even though we say to shower them with compliments, we mean within limits. Anything in excess can be counterintuitive. You don’t want to compliment them every time you see them because it can appear a bit stalkerish. Remember, compliments also come in the form of backing someone up in a discussion.
For instance, in a conversation, they make a point. That’s when you say, “I see where you’re going with this. Continue.” That’s also a form of praise. It shows that you understand their point, agree with it, and are interested in learning more.
11). An Eyebrow Flash
So, we’ve done the eye contact, but have you ever heard of eyebrow flash?
A flash is a fast up-and-down motion of the eyebrows and is typically coupled with a smile to show attraction. When you make eye contact, you’ll notice it immediately.
12). Raise the Vibe of the Tribe
This means keeping the vibe upbeat. Have you ever known a Debby Downer to flirt? And if she did, she probably wasn’t successful.
No one wants to hang around people who will depress them. So when we get into social circles, we want to raise our vibe and the people around us. So, of course, a positive vibe is best for flirting.
If you’re no Dave Chappelle or Bill Burr, don’t worry. At the most basic level, repeat a joke you heard that made you laugh. Then, if they heard it, they’ll 1. Laugh again, or 2. At the very least, know you have a sense of humor.
How to Be a Positive Thinker (Even for the Most Pessimistic Person)
Some people are naturally cheerful. Others have more of a pessimistic nature. But with a little prompting, you can make the most negative person into someone that enjoys and appreciates life. Some health benefits of positivity include:
- Lower rate of depression
- Increased lifespan
- Better resistance to illness
- Reduced risk of disease
- Reduced risk of infections
- Better coping skills
- Happier person
- Less respiratory conditions
Focusing On Positive Thinking
You can turn negative thinking into positive thinking, and the process isn’t as complicated as you think, but it takes a little practice and time. The key is to create a new habit, and for new habits to form, it takes a routine. The following are ways to behave and think more optimistically.
- Check yourself: During the day, periodically evaluate your thoughts. For example, if you see that your thoughts are mostly negative, find a way to change them into positive ones. For instance, you overeat at lunch, feel bloated and full, and hate yourself for eating so much. Instead, make that negative thought positive by saying it’s OK you overindulged because that’s now your incentive to sign up for a gym membership.
- Identify areas to improve: If you’d like to be more optimistic, start engaging in more positive thinking by pinpointing the areas of your life that you typically think negatively about. For instance, you may regularly think negatively about your job, relationship, or life changes. Instead of tackling all three, start small by focusing on a single area to approach it more positively.
- Create a healthier lifestyle: The body and mind act closely together, so you’ll need to follow a healthy lifestyle to get your mind right. Try to exercise approximately 30 minutes daily, or break it up into 10-minute chunks several times a day. Exercise positively affects mood and helps reduce stress. Eating right will help give you the energy to exercise.
- Surround yourself with optimistic people: No one can be positive all day, every day. Sometimes, you’re going to get down, but if you surround yourself with positive people, they can help uplift you. Understand that it’s natural to have depressed feelings, but remaining in that headspace for too long will eventually affect your health. Supportive people can help give feedback and advice, whereas pessimistic people will increase your stress and doubt your ability to manage your stress in healthy ways.
- Use positive self-talk: Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to someone else. In other words, be encouraging and gentle. When negative thoughts come, evaluate them and respond with positive affirmations. Make a list of everything you’re grateful for and appreciate. Doing so helps keep things in perspective.
- Practice it daily: Being positive isn’t like a college degree. You don’t get it, and it’s complete. Maintaining a positive perspective is something that requires daily work. It also requires patience and understanding with yourself and others around you. Don’t beat yourself up when you get negative again (and you will). If you can’t find the positive in the situation immediately, let it rest and return to it.
Definite Signs of Flirting
So, we’ve discussed how to flirt, but how do you know if someone is flirting with you? Glad you asked. Here are a few body language signs that indicate they’re attracted to you.
- Flushed: When a person is attracted to someone, blood will flow to the face, which causes the cheeks to get red. This happens to emulate the orgasmic effect, where we get flushed. It’s a way the body attempts to attract someone. Fun fact: Women’s blush was created to mimic this exact effect.
- Heart racing: When someone says, “They make my heart race,” it’s not a cliche. Studies indicate that when a person is near someone they find attractive, their heart rate increases. So, to know if someone finds you attractive, you don’t have to take their pulse at the bar. But if you’re at a bar or restaurant and you notice the person appearing nervous or breathless, chances are they find you attractive. Likewise, if you’re holding their hand and go in for a kiss, you’ll also be able to feel the heat of their palm increase.
- Pointed feet: Studies indicate that feet are a direct reflection of a person’s attitude. So, it’s essential to see the pointed direction of a person’s feet. For example, feet directly pointed at another person indicate attraction or, at the very least, a genuine interest. On the other hand, if the feet are pointed away or toward an exit, it indicates there probably isn’t an attraction.
If done properly, flirting can be thrilling and fun. It’s a way to meet new people, and it’s also a way to attract someone you’re interested in. So the next time you go out, try a few of these steps. You may be surprised at how well they work. You can even try a few of these techniques on dating apps. Give it a try and watch the dates roll in.