You have been in a relationship for a while, but something’s off. You’ve stopped hanging out with each other like you used to, barely communicate, and lately, you argue daily. But aren’t these the things a relationship goes through?
Occasionally pondering whether you should stay together or go your separate ways is part of being in a long-term relationship. Every couple goes through a rough patch. Even if you love and care for your partner, you still have those times when you don’t know if it’s worth it anymore.
However, when the downs start outweighing the ups, it’s a sign that your relationship has finally run its course. Continue reading to find out if the relationship is worth saving or if it’s time to pack your bags.
Signs That Say It’s Time to Go Your Separate Ways
If some of the following signs look familiar, it’s time to reconsider whether staying in the relationship is the best thing for you.
1. You Do Most of the Sacrificing
All relationships require some give and take. It’s a way to demonstrate your love, respect, and support for one another. It could be as simple as allowing your partner to pick the movie or takeout spot. However, other times it can be more significant decisions, like which car to buy or where to relocate.
If it seems like you’re doing all the giving and your partner rarely reciprocates, it can lead to future resentment issues and cause a breakdown in the relationship.
2. You Constantly Break up and Makeup
This type of back-and-forth behavior was all fun and games in grade school, but it’s not as entertaining as an adult. Relationships drift apart as they go through changes. But if you consistently separate and then get back together, there is an underlying reason for your unhappiness that you may be unwilling to address. So it will keep popping up, causing a rift in the relationship.
3. You’ve Grown Apart
Is there an inexplicable distance between you and your partner? Is it increasingly more challenging to communicate your feelings to each other?
According to Oprah.com, “it’s normal to not feel ‘in love’ all the time.” However, feeling like you have nothing in common is a red flag.
When trying to hold on to a relationship, couples can often relish in the good memories of what once was and refuse to see that things are no longer the same. People change, and they grow. Sometimes that’s together, and other times it’s apart. The relationship has run its course if you feel more and more disconnected from your significant other.
7 Ways to Rekindle a Romance
What do you do if you’ve grown apart and want that fire back in your relationship? Lately, most of your conversations consist of work, kids, or chores. Read on to find out how to reignite your passion for one another.
- Physical Touching: Hold hands or give your partner a peck on the cheek. Small gestures like this go a long way.
- Make Time to Spend With Each Other: It doesn’t have to be sexual. Make time to go for a hike or to watch a tv show together.
- Talk: Turn off the TV and phones, sit in a quiet room, and talk. It doesn’t need to be anything specific. Be sure to listen intently, and do not become distracted. Focus on each other and what you have to say.
- Keep the Comments Positive: It’s easy to get on each other’s nerves with the constant complaining and arguing, so for one day, say only positive words to each other. Remember back to the time when you both enjoyed each other’s company? Focus on that instead of the basketful of dirty laundry.
- Put on Some Clothes, Please!: You see each other in your sweats daily, so make an effort and put on something a little nicer. Even just sitting around the house, showering, and brushing your hair go a long way when it comes to physical attraction.
- Give With No Expectations: Do something nice for your partner and expect nothing in return. When we often buy lunch for our significant other, we expect the same in return. This time, do it because you want to. Additionally, don’t throw your kind gesture in your partner’s face in a future argument, reminding them of everything you’ve done. That negates your acts of kindness and makes it seem you did them for brownie points.
- Stop the Arguments: Does it feel like the more you yell, the more your partner yells? That’s because when the shouting match begins, you only try to make your point, and neither one listens to the other. This is a battle where no one wins, so stop arguing because you’re not getting anywhere. Plus, you run the risk of saying something you may regret.
4. You Constantly Argue
Disagreements will happen in every relationship. However, it’s not normal to feel that your relationship is like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode at any moment. Does it feel like you’re walking around on eggshells constantly? When unresolved conflicts turn disrespectful over time, they can wear you down and affect your well-being.
5. You’re Always Looking For Affection
Being in a healthy relationship means you’re getting most, if not all, of your needs met. And when you’re not, you can effectively communicate that to your partner. However, when the lines of communication break down, you may feel uneasy and bitter.
If you’re constantly daydreaming about the type of relationship you want instead of appreciating the one you have, your partnership is losing steam, and it may be time to part ways.
6. You Start Keeping a Scorecard
At the beginning of the relationship, you did nice things for each other because you genuinely loved and cared for your partner.
Now you’re doing things and keeping score as to what your partner does to reciprocate. So, for example, you remind them you bought lunch Tuesday and Friday, but they last bought you lunch over two months ago. Additionally, when arguing, you have a laundry list of everything they did wrong and are more than happy to point it out.
You’ve got to let that go. Chances are, you both play a major role in the state of your relationship, so stop holding grudges and tallying up which one of you is the bigger asshole.
Signs Your Relationship Is Failing
- Dishonesty: They constantly lie, or you regularly lie to them because you don’t care anymore.
- Mistrust: You go through their phone because you believe they are cheating.
- Contempt: You can barely look at your partner without lingering feelings of anger or disgust.
- Disrespect: You say and do what you want regardless of how your partner feels because you don’t care.
- Distancing: You stay in one room while your partner remains in another. Emotionally speaking, you’re checked out of the relationship and no longer desire to share your goals or feelings.
- Defensive: It’s common to be defensive when challenged, but if, over time, you find yourself shrugging and having a “who cares” attitude, your relationship is failing.
7. You’ve Stopped Caring
You used to check in with your significant other to see how their day was going, but you’re no longer interested. The motivation to care for your partner’s well-being is gone. You used to try to reconnect, but that’s gone, too.
We all have our bad days in a relationship, but it’s a sign if you can’t muster up any of the interest you once had in your partner.
8. The Trust Is Gone
Constantly questioning whether your significant other is telling the truth can be exhausting. Do you think the only way to find answers is to snoop behind their back, search through phones, and check emails?
If your partner has a history of lying and cheating, you may have some built-up resentment that you need to process.
Ways to Stop Overthinking after Being Cheated On
Being cheated on hurts to the core and can make you feel insecure, betrayed, and overwhelmed. It’s common to replay specific moments or analyze certain behaviors. However, cheating can also lead to anxiety and overthinking. Fortunately, you can stop overthinking after being cheated on by using healthy methods.
- Lean On Outside Support: Use your family and friends as support when you’re feeling upset, especially as you go through a hard time and need help building up your confidence.
- Acceptance: When infidelity occurs, we often push it aside and try to forget it ever happened. Accepting the situation for what it is can help you move on. It can be pretty painful because it means reliving the betrayal. However, it will help you figure out how to navigate forward.
- Practice Using Mindfulness: Mindfulness helps relieve feelings of depression, stress, and anxiety. Live in the present. Stop revisiting the past because there’s nothing you can do about what happened. Focus on what you can control. Don’t beat yourself up. Take things as they come and when you feel overwhelmed, practice relaxation using techniques like yoga and meditation.
- Work on Yourself: When betrayal occurs, we tend to focus on what the other person is (or isn’t) doing in the relationship in hopes of controlling their future actions. Stop focusing on what you can’t control. Instead, focus on yourself. Practice self-care and find ways to feel better about who you are and what you have to offer.
- Stop the Negative Self-Talk: When infidelity occurs in a relationship, we can sometimes blame ourselves. “What did I do wrong?” “What could I have done better?” “This is all my fault.” Negative self-talk is not only bad for the relationship but also detrimental to your health. The situation is done. There’s nothing you can do about that, so let go of all the “what-if” thinking. Instead, focus on yourself and how to move forward.
9. You Feel Stuck
If you visualize a life without your partner and find it much happier, you may be ready to move on.
Does it feel like you’re in love with someone you don’t even like anymore? Are you waiting for your partner to change or to wake up and start treating you better? It’s a red flag if it feels better to be alone than with your significant other.
Tips for Post-Breakup
Okay, the breakup happened, so now what? Being newly single can be scary because you’ve been one half of a couple for so long. So now you’re looking for ways to get over them.
- Give yourself time to heal: You don’t have to get back out there and start dating immediately. Instead, give yourself a little space to find yourself again.
- Keep busy: Try things you’ve never done, like a cooking or dancing class.
- Talk to family and friends for support: Bend their ear if you need to talk. They can offer a little sound advice to help.
- Do some self-care: Take a day and do relaxing things like a spa treatment or a manicure. Taking care of yourself helps to refresh and rejuvenate.
- Hang out with friends more: If you haven’t kicked all your friends to the curb after getting into a relationship, give them a call for a much-needed reunion.
- No friend zone: Delete your ex’s number and all social media. Trying to forge a friendship when you’re not ready will only be more painful.
- Do not sleep with your ex: If the breakup is still fresh and there are hurt feelings, sleeping with your ex can pull you back into a volatile situation.
Knowing when to break up with your partner can take time to figure out. After all, you have so much history together and still have some lingering feelings. Before deciding:
- Make sure you aren’t in the heat of the moment.
- Take your time and let go of any bitterness and resentment.
When moving on from a relationship, do so with a calm mind so you know you made the best decision.