Most of us believe that our relationships will stand the test of time when we love someone enough to start building a future with them. Unfortunately, the sad reality is that relationships sometimes don’t work out for various reasons. It doesn’t help to cling to a relationship out of familiarity or convenience because you won’t be happy in the long run.
Hundreds, if not thousands, of people break up every day, and it’s no easy feat, no matter what angle you look at it. Yet, there is no reason for a breakup to be unnecessarily painful or messy. There are ways to have a clean separation, and we want to share our top ten tips you need to follow.
These tips will help you end your relationship with the person you care about or love without causing undue harm or emotional distress.
A Clean Breakup? What It Actually Means
A clean breakup is the opposite of a traumatizing, vengeful, stressful, or emotionally degrading separation. When you participate in a clean split, you’re focusing on moving on and healing by breaking up with your partner amicably.
Unlike negative breakups, your aim is to remove any baggage and avoid unnecessary drama for both partners to ensure a clean break. If a clean split is appropriately done, both partners can move on faster and without feelings of anger, remorse, guilt, and resentment.
Is a Clean Breakup Worth It, and Why Should You Consider It?
Although a clean breakup is preferable and worth it, it doesn’t mean it’s easy. Yet, even though it’s never easy breaking up with someone you have been with for months or years, a clean breakup is still preferable. After all, initiating a clean separation is a surefire way for both partners to part ways without hard feelings or negative thoughts.
Ultimately, you need to consider a clean breakup because it’s better for your mental and emotional state. Mutually breaking up with someone you have come to love will save both people from feelings of betrayal and pain. You will also get closure with a clean breakup, which you might not get if you choose a different breakup route.
What Are the Common Causes of a Breakup?
Before we delve into the top tips you need to know to experience a clean breakup; we want to look at some common causes of breakups. If you experienced any situations below that made you want to leave your current relationship, our tips will help you initiate a clean break.
- Intimacy problems
- Family differences
- Finances problems
- Family differences
- Physical changes
- Appearance or persona changes
What Are the Top 10 Tips You Need to Follow to Have a Clean Breakup?
It’s time to discuss the top ten tips you need to follow if you want to have a clean breakup. Should you follow our tips, you will be more likely to part ways with your current partner without the many negative repercussions that typically follow a breakup.
1. Accept That a Breakup Is Never Easy
If you want to experience a clean breakup, you need to accept that separation is never easy or pain-free. Whether with your partner for a few months or many years, you will have feelings of sadness, disappointment, despair, or heartbreak.
If you acknowledge that there will be pain, you will be prepared for the aftermath and can better accept the breakup. It won’t be easy, but you can handle your emotions better.
2. Be Honest with Your Partner but Consider Their Feelings
When you’re breaking up with someone, it can be easy to let your emotions get the better of you. This is especially true when your partner demands to know why you’re breaking up with them. Although you should be honest with your partner and tell them why you want to part ways, you should consider their feelings.
For example, if you’re breaking up with someone because they are ‘terrible in bed,’ ‘not attractive to you anymore,’ or ‘lack ambitions,’ it’s best not to explicitly say it like it is. You don’t need to sugarcoat it, but you shouldn’t intentionally say things you know will damage their self-esteem and dignity or cause retaliatory behavior.
Thus you should say things like ‘I don’t think we’re sexually compatible anymore’ or ‘I don’t feel our long-term goals align’ are much nicer ways to say the same thing without hurting them emotionally.
Additionally, you should avoid using cliches when initiating a clean breakup. People don’t want to hear ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ from someone they care about. Simply be honest, but not too honest.
3. Think about the Breakup Conversation Beforehand
Whether you’ve decided to break up with your partner in a spur-of-the-moment situation or have been stewing over it for months, it’s still a good idea to think about the breakup conversation beforehand.
Giving yourself time and space to properly think about what you want to say during the breakup will ensure you don’t say anything you regret. It will also ensure that you get to say everything you want to so that your partner knows why the breakup is occurring and that you’re serious about moving on.
Additionally, thinking about what you will say beforehand will ensure you experience less stress during the breakup.
You also won’t lose yourself to your emotions. Writing down your thoughts is best if you’re struggling to determine what you will say. Writing down what you want to say and practicing it will help you prepare and ensure you don’t mistakenly say something you don’t want to.
Moreover, if you plan out what you want to say and rehearse it beforehand, you can examine your tone and adjust it to ensure you’re delivering your message in a way that cannot be perceived as rude, cruel, or hurtful.
4. Accept That You Won’t Be Able to Control Their Reaction
Even when you plan what you’re going to say, you must know and accept that you can’t control your partner’s reaction to the breakup. Having the right tone and kind words can help, but you won’t be able to control their response because you can’t control how your message is received or your partner’s feelings or emotions.
Besides controlling how you speak and say, you can also control when the breakup occurs. If you ensure that you aren’t breaking up with your partner on a special day like a birthday or anniversary, you will have a better chance of a clean breakup.
5. Avoid Shaming or Blaming Them
You must avoid shaming or blaming your partner if you want a clean breakup without angry words or aggressive tempers. If you turn them into a villain, you will experience high emotions of the harmful kind. In addition, being mean to them will cause them to retaliate and say things you might not want to hear.
Even if they hurt you and did terrible things to you, like cheating, they are human too and make mistakes. Accepting that they hurt you and were at fault for your relationship ending and resolving your feelings on the matter will help you avoid shaming them and blaming them.
6. Ensure You Breakup with Your Partner Face-To-Face
To some, the worst thing you can do if you want a clean breakup is break up with your partner via text, email, social media, or over the phone. Of course, not every relationship is the same, but if you feel safe with your partner, you owe it to them to break up with them face-to-face.
It might be uncomfortable and challenging, but it will show that you respect and care for them even if you don’t want to continue a romantic relationship.
Yet, you should remember that your feelings are also important, and your safety should be a priority. So, if you don’t feel safe breaking up with your partner face-to-face, put yourself first and break up with them from a distance via a voice call or video call.
7. Show Your Partner Sympathy
Even if you’re not feeling overly sympathetic, you need to show the person you’re breaking up with that you’re sorry. Expressing your sadness during the breakup will show them that what you had was real and will help them not react negatively.
It’s okay to show your partner your feelings are a mess and that you still care for them. Yet, remember to keep yourself distant because you don’t want to give them mixed signals.
Arguably, one of the absolute best ways to show your partner sympathy is to share memories of the good times you had together. You can also tell them the positive things you learned from them.
For example, you could say kind things like, “you taught me so much about myself, and it’s thanks to you that I’m a better person” during the breakup. Showing sympathy will help your partner realize that they positively influenced your life and that your time together wasn’t for nothing.
In addition, consider saying something from the heart that demonstrates how you’re upset your future won’t be with the person you’re breaking up with.
8. Stay In Contact with Your Support System
Even clean breakups are difficult to navigate and can become messy quickly if you don’t have a support system in place that you’re keeping in contact with. If you have people around you who love you or care about you and that you can talk to, you’re likely to get over your breakup faster and with less angst.
Yet, not everyone has a support system of friends and family; there is nothing wrong with this. If this is you, you can get support in other places, like with a therapist. A therapist can help you work through your breakup to ensure you don’t run back to your ex or give off mixed signals that could create a messy relationship environment.
9. Choose an Appropriate Setting
Unfortunately, there is no ideal setting for a breakup, but you can have a clean separation if you choose an appropriate setting. To determine the right place for your split, you must put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
By imagining yourself as them, you’ll be able to find a location that will cause them the least pain. For example, if your romantic partner is very introverted, they would prefer a quiet place away from other people if they are going to be broken up with.
Additionally, you don’t want to choose a location that is too loud or quiet. The place you pick has to be the right environment to communicate with your partner and hear their questions and remarks. Usually, the best place for a clean breakup is at your home or your partner’s home, as it’s an intimate setting.
Yet, remember that if you feel unsafe with your partner, it’s best not to meet up with them when breaking up. If you are going to break up with them face to face, it’s best to choose a public place with lots of people.
10. Listen to What Your Soon to Be Ex Partner Has to Say
Just because you’re breaking up with your partner doesn’t mean you should stop listening to what they say during the breakup. You might be the one leading the conversation, but their input matters, especially if you want to experience a clean split.
Even if you don’t like what they will say to you, you should prepare yourself and listen carefully. You likely won’t like what you hear, but they need to get it off their chest to heal and move on. It just might be the last time you see them or speak to them, so make sure you listen to their thoughts and feelings so that you can end things amicably and with minimal emotional damage.
Wrap-up on How to Have a Clean Breakup
It’s evident that you can experience a clean breakup if you keep in mind the ten tips we shared with you. You don’t have to follow each one, but choosing the ones that will help you end your relationship without causing unnecessary pain to you or your soon-to-be ex might be best.