Unfortunately, popular romance films have spoiled some into thinking that you need to do everything bigger and better to show affection. While it’s OK to extract some inspiration from these types of movies, you don’t need (or want) your partner to start “being extra” just to keep you happy.
If you prefer to keep your relationship more “realistic,” you may want to take a step back and breathe because over-the-top cringey partners can be annoying.
You know it’s not love bombing because they’re not attempting to manipulate you. They’re just being extra. If this sounds like you, here are some telltale signs that your partner is a little too enthusiastic about you and the relationship.
Compliments All Day Every Day
It’s wonderful to have an admirer, but it’s entirely different for someone to regularly praise you for everything you do, no matter how big or small. For example, you buy a new blouse, and your partner immediately notices it and tells you how it complements your eyes.
While it may seem harmless, experts agree that anything in excess, even compliments, can be counterintuitive regarding relationships.
This is because if we receive daily compliments, how will we know when they truly mean it? For example, not every hairstyle we wear will look “perfect,” as our partner would suggest. We’d have no idea when our hairstyle was looking clownish. How are we supposed to rely on them to tell the truth?
Eventually, daily compliments turn into more of a “how’s the weather” conversation as opposed to making us feel special.
Remedy: Have a conversation with your partner. Tell them you love and appreciate that they think highly of you, but their daily compliments aren’t needed for you to love them.
Sometimes they’re not even aware they’re doing it, and sometimes they are just trying to let you know they love you regardless of what you wear or how you style your hair.
Here’s something you can do; talk to your partner and have a frank discussion about something you would like to improve with each other. For example, you think your partner could eat healthier.
When it’s their turn, and if they say they wouldn’t change a thing because you’re “perfect,” don’t accept that answer. Keep prompting them until they come up with something.
Constantly Giving Lavish Gifts
Receiving gifts from your partner is a good feeling. But unfortunately, being bombarded with lavish gifts is an entirely different thing. For example, imagine walking into your office and discovering five massive red rose flower bouquets. It sounds nice the first time and maybe the second time. But what about the fifth and sixth times?
Your partner surprises you with expensive first-class tickets to an exotic location and doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer because they thought you could use a vacation when you merely mentioned last night that a break would be nice.
You get that they want to do nice things for you, but when your partner regularly buys you presents, they become less and less meaningful. And quite frankly, you may become irritated by the grand gestures.
Remedy: Your first attempt should be to pull your partner aside and tell them that while you appreciate the gifts, they may be just a little too much. Ensure that they understand that giving gifts like these is not required to receive your love and affection and that you prefer their time.
Lack of Boundaries
Your partner may figure that since they’re an open book with you, you should be an open book with them, but that shouldn’t have to be the case. They tell you about their family, jobs, likes, dislikes, and everything else.
On the other hand, you’re a quieter person who only tells on a need-to-know basis. Nothing is wrong with that because no two people communicate in the same way.
Remedy: Let them know that you are a more private person. You don’t have secrets. You just don’t feel the need to divulge every aspect of your life to them. Let your partner know that you’re OK with them doing the same and that it’s their choice on how much they want to tell you, and you won’t be offended.
They Make It Difficult to Speak Your Mind
Everyone is entitled to their opinion—you, your partner, everyone.
However, your partner is being extra when you suppress your views because they make it difficult for you to express your mind or how you feel on any subject, including your relationship.
Sometimes, it’s not even about being malicious. That could be how they were raised, with their opinions and thoughts coming first. All else is secondary. You can rectify the situation with the right professional help. But both parties need to want the change for it to succeed.
Remedy: No one should feel they must internalize their voice to appease someone else. Doing so is toxic and unhealthy. So, it’s time to sit down and discuss your feelings with your partner.
Tell them how their actions invalidate your feelings and make you feel small. Let them know you love them and want to work it out with them, but if things don’t change, you’ll have to walk.
Non-stop Calls and Texts
When you’re no longer in their presence, they call, text, and message you on different social media platforms all at once.
Your partner constantly tells you that he misses you. While that sounds nice, once again, they say it too much so that it blends into the wall, and you don’t feel special when they say it.
Experts will tell you that communication is healthy. However, constantly attempting to talk to your partner because you miss them, are bored, or whatever the reason can harm an otherwise healthy relationship.
Remedy: If this is your partner, have an honest conversation. Tell them you’re busy at work and don’t have the time to talk like you would prefer, so you’d appreciate them saving the conversation until you get home. This way, you’ll be able to talk freely and for as long as you like.
You Find Yourself Lying More
In most cases, you’re not lying to cover up salacious activity on your part. Instead, you must lie because your partner will become enraged over trivial matters.
For example, you tell them you’re going to the market, then stop for fast food and eat it in the car. You leave out the fast food part because you don’t want your partner to get upset because you 1. ate fast food again and 2. didn’t tell them you were going.
In other cases, you lie to avoid spending time with your partner. The idea of hanging out with them brings frustrated and dissatisfied thoughts instead of fulfilled and joyful ones. Because of all their extra-ness, you lie to gain a few extra hours of alone time or time to enjoy your friends and family.
Remedy: Regardless of the reason, constant lying in your relationship is unhealthy. In this case, you may not feel comfortable discussing it with your mate one-on-one, so consider seeking professional counseling to examine why you need to lie or why they need to be so extra, which is why you’re lying in the first place.
Let’s be clear; you decided to lie, so blaming someone else for your actions is not OK.
However, if you’re feeling suffocated in the relationship and see lying as the only viable option to deal with it, a licensed professional may be able to uncover the causes.
Social Media Blast
Your partner may love you so much that they want the world to know how proud they are of you. For that, social media is a great tool. But sometimes, it can be a little too much. For instance, you see yourself plastered all over their social pages, whether or not you want to be made public.
Their postings may include quiet, intimate times that you’re unaware of, or they may be polls created regarding a previous disagreement.
There may even be images that you expressly told them not to post for whatever reason, but unbeknownst to you, they posted them anyway. And what about those cryptic posts? “The one person you believed you could trust has broken your heart into a thousand pieces and doesn’t care!”
Remedy: This is an invasion of your privacy, so you have the right to ask them to take down any images at your request. Once that’s complete, it’s time for a discussion with your partner, so it doesn’t happen again.
They Want to Know Your Whereabouts All the Time
This goes along the lines of being jealous more than extra, but they’re parallel.
It can get a bit annoying if they want to know where you’re going and who you’re with all the time. But, again, it’s the little things, like them calling and asking where you are if you forgot to tell them you’re going to the store for milk.
If they constantly get upset because they texted you and you didn’t respond immediately, there may be an underlying issue.
For example, studies have concluded that a person who cheats in their relationship projects their sneaky behavior onto their partner and accuses them of cheating.
Remedy: Experts suggest that unless you previously cheated in your relationship, you don’t need to disclose your whereabouts.
Although most couples let each other know where they’re going and who they are with as a courtesy, it’s not necessary. However, if you feel suffocated in the relationship, it’s time to discuss your feelings with your partner. Then, if you have not solved the situation, consider talking to a licensed professional.
How to Stop Feeling Suffocated in a Relationship
Clingy behavior may not be noticeable in the beginning stages of your relationship. Unfortunately, it can rapidly get out of hand; before you even realize it, the clinging behavior may have turned borderline controlling. Here are ways to help you stop those suffocating feelings:
- Set Boundaries – Each of you should have set personal boundaries. If you didn’t set them at the very beginning of your relationship, do so now as you attempt to fix your current situation. Your boundaries should be firm, so if your partner steps outside the boundaries, they do so with the likelihood of you terminating the partnership.
Talk about Your Concerns – Your mate may not be aware of their bad behavior and how it makes you feel. This is why communication is essential. If your partner doesn’t know what’s broken, how can they fix it?
Take some time to sit down and express your thoughts and feelings so your mate can realize the partnership through your eyes.
Re-Gain Your Sense of Independence – Of course, as a couple, you’ll make big decisions together. However, it becomes suffocating when one partner starts making all the decisions.
Break free from the beginning pattern by limiting your partner’s “policing.” Instead, begin choosing to make daily decisions independently. Discussing every tiny detail of your life with your mate is unnecessary.
Have an Opinion – The worst thing you can do to a partner that makes you feel smothered is to lose your voice and stop offering opinions. It’s healthy for couples to share their views on various topics, even if they disagree.
While sharing your opinion could lead to an argument, heated discussions can also be a good part of a healthy relationship. Loving couples may disagree on certain subjects, but it doesn’t affect their feelings for one another.
Set Aside Some Me Time – Notify your partner that during a particular time of day, you will devote some time to self-care. You can go to the gym, read a book, take a class, or get a massage. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it’s all about you and no one else.
The idea is that it’s a time for you to do whatever you like in your chosen space. Encourage your partner to do the same, and then set a time to do an activity together. As a result, you’ll be refreshed and able to devote more quality time to your partner.
Take a Break – When you’re starting to feel stifled in your relationship, take some time off from each other. You want to be in a good place when you spend time together, not feeling dread and despair at the thought of spending another minute with your mate.
It’s never beneficial to continue with a relationship that’s become dysfunctional. At some point, you need to choose to hit the reset button and take a week or two away from each other so you can think about where you both need to make changes. This is when you’ll need to decide if getting back together or going your separate ways is the right choice.
You Change Who You Are to Get Along
You came into the relationship as one person, but because of their actions, you figure it’s best to change who you are to get along. For example, your partner is always cleaning and making sure everything is in its place.
Before living with your partner, you left household items as you pleased and were satisfied with that. But because your significant other becomes so over-the-top when something is out of place, or you didn’t hang up your clothes correctly, you’ve changed just to keep the peace.
Some will consider this compromise, and that’s OK. But the relationship is off balance if you find that it’s only you compromising.
Remedy: As previously stated, compromising in a relationship is good. However, if you feel like it’s only you adjusting and you’re unhappy about it, it’s time to talk to your partner. If they resist, you can try counseling. If that doesn’t work, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship, which may mean moving on.
You Are the Center of Their World
You’ve been dating for only a brief period, but you notice that your partner no longer goes out with their friends or visits with family and friends. All the activities they used to do have stopped, and all they want to do is be around you.
They refuse to participate in any activity that doesn’t involve you.
Your significant other has made it abundantly clear that they plan to devote every waking moment to spending as much time as possible with you. But, unfortunately, they aren’t interested in having a healthy individual life outside of you.
- Encouraged your partner to get involved in activities that don’t include you.
- Enlist the help of your partner’s friends and have them ask if they’d like to hang out.
- If you can’t get your partner out of the house, take the lead and go out with your friends (without your partner), showing them that you can successfully have separate interests.
In most cases, your partner has good intentions and loves you. But, unfortunately, the execution is off. This is where you need to take the lead and show your mate that it’s OK to participate in different activities, and then when you come together again, it will be much more special.
Explain to them that they don’t have to shower you with gifts and give you compliments to demonstrate their adoration because you love them no matter what. They may feel insecure in the relationship right now, so be patient and understanding.
However, if these actions continue, you should seek help from a licensed professional. Remember, you can only offer assistance, but you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change.