You might have just gone on a first date, and there were some major sparks flying! Ideally, this is what everyone wants on the first date. But sparks can be deceiving or short-lived. Sparks have the potential to go out, or they can simmer down to a slow burn. You might go on a first date, and there are no sparks whatsoever, but given a second date, a spark or a slow-burning ember could begin to develop once you get to know someone better.
There are all sorts of paths that a relationship can travel along. A first date is never a truly great indicator of how a relationship will go. Relationships take time to develop. This is why it’s crucial to be patient, keep an open mind, and always go out on the second date, even if you do not feel the sparks, chemistry, or an immediate connection.
The first impression you get from someone on a date is important, but we can misjudge people at times or make an incorrect assessment of who they are because we simply have not spent enough time with them. With a second date, you can begin to form an accurate picture of your date in your mind’s eye. You get to learn their personality, their motivations, and their passions or fears.
Time is a beautiful thing. With time, you get to the truth.
Here are six great reasons the experts say you should be going on a second date!
Reason #1: First Impressions Can Be Deceiving
While first impressions are important when meeting new people, first impressions can be deceiving. After all, we are human. We make mistakes in judging other people. We can get somebody all wrong if we go solely off of the first impression. We have not spent enough time around the person to know their behavioral patterns, their mindset, or their motivations.
During the second date, you can begin to flesh out the other person. You begin getting past the base-level types of conversation about what kind of work they do, what kind of pets they have, or what they like to do on weekends, and you begin digging deeper into who they are.
If you have had any sort of reservations or doubts about your date after the first encounter, many of these can be put to bed if you go on a second date. A lot of people will put on a good show during the first date and be a completely different kind of person on the second. It’s important to go on the second date and allow the time and the space to see the other person’s true nature or true self.
Reason #2: Everyone Is More Confident on the Second Date
First dates can be really nerve-wracking. So there is a good possibility that your date was on edge, and you did not get a chance to see them in a more natural or calm state. This is perhaps one of the best reasons to go out on a second date. You simply have not seen enough to truly know the person, what they are all about and what makes them tick. They were too busy being nervous during the first encounter!
Following the first date, the immediate awkwardness is over. You have done the work to establish a base. The initial small talk or relationship-building conversations are out of the way. You have gotten an idea of your date, their personality, and their interests, so you have a better idea of how to talk with and interact with them on the second encounter.
With the second date, you can be much more confident because you have some previous discussions to work from! For instance, your date might have talked a bit about how annoying their boss is on the first date. You could possibly work this into a joke or into the conversation as a way to show your date that you remembered the things that they told you!
Reason #3: Someone Could Have Been Having an Off-Day
The first time you meet someone, you really have no idea of their background, what is currently going on in their life, or their natural temperament. You could be meeting someone for the first time, and they are in the midst of a crisis or hardship. You could possibly be meeting someone who does not have too much going on in their life or someone who is doing quite well following recent personal or professional successes.
While everyone tries to put their best foot forward during the first date, you can see different things come out in their personality or behavior, like confidence and personability or melancholy, frustration, or hopelessness. There is a real possibility that someone was having an off day during the first date. What you saw was not the real them! The sooner you can be aware of this and factor this into your decision-making, the more likely you will be to go out on a second date!
A good rule of thumb, in general, is to be understanding and to give people the benefit of the doubt. Who knows?
- Your date might have just gotten some bad news from a friend via text message right before you met up with them.
- Maybe they got into a fight with a family member earlier.
- Or maybe that got passed up for a promotion or pay raise at work earlier in the day.
The point is to be understanding and knows that everyone has a bad day once in a while. Maybe you caught your date at a bad time.
Reason #4: Allow Attraction or the Relationship Time to Build
You might not always strike gold on the first date. As we have been saying, relationships, chemistry, and attraction can take time to build and develop. In fact, many people that we have talked to say that they don’t feel the relationship really begins getting off the ground until the second, third, or fourth date! Going out on a second date will allow you the necessary time and space to grow and develop the relationship.
During the first date, you might be occupied with getting through the usual first-date rigamarole, or you might just be nervous! As mentioned earlier, there is a chance someone could be having an off day. With these things going on, can you even begin building the relationship in an intentional way? Some people are too nervous or sidetracked with other things on the first date that they don’t really even know if they are compatible with the other person.
Reason #5: Use the Second Date to Gauge Consistency of Character
There is a good chance that your date is putting on a good show for you during the first date. They treat the wait staff with respect, tip them well, and wow you with great stories or anecdotes. If this is truly who they are, you will no doubt see this again on the second date. The second date is a great way to see if someone is consistent in character and actions.
Think of it in terms of a business. You would not look at a sales report for just one given day and make a judgment on how good the business is based on a single day’s figures. You need to see sales numbers over time to get a gauge of what their business is like. You need to see the weekend business, the weekly business, and the business around the holidays to get a good idea of how things truly are! The same can be said for people and relationships. You need some time to get a more developed picture of them.
Reason #6: You Can’t Say You Didn’t Try
One of the biggest sells of going on a second date is that you are not going to be asking any “what ifs.”
If you get through the first date and you are hesitant to go on a second, no worries. That is extremely commonplace. But like we said, it is good to give your date the benefit of the doubt that they were either nervous or having an off day. By going forward with a second or even third date, you can at least say that you tried.
When you meet someone for the first time, you need to go into the first date with the expectation that there might not always be sparks at first, and you should at least give the person a second chance to get a better feel for who they are (unless of course there are some extreme red flags or something like that). Take our advice and go on that second date!