What to Do When Your Girl is Mad at You (Plus What Never to Do)

Man and woman sitting at table facing away from each other, angry

Whether she’s your girlfriend or a bestie, it hurts to see her angry and upset with you for something you said or did. People disagree. It’s a fact of life. But you don’t want the tension to last too long.

Depending on the seriousness of the argument, you may find yourself in the doghouse or under the doghouse. In any case, gather up your pride and take steps to repair the broken relationship. From smaller gestures like trying to make her smile again to more significant actions such as taking her on a European vacation, here are some fool-proof ways to rekindle your once-happy relationship.

A Sincere Apology

Saying “I’m sorry” is one thing, but showing “I’m sorry” is another. When you apologize, look directly into her eyes and acknowledge what you did wrong and that you will do your darndest to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Never blame her by saying things like, “I’m sorry, but you were the one who left the door open.”

When you apologize, no ifs, andsor buts should come out of your mouth. So leave her out of it. Instead, focus on where you went wrong.

If she still seems upset after your apology, take it a step further and ask what you can do to rectify the situation. If you have suggestions, tell her those, too. “Would you like me to call the realtor?” or “I can go back and get it, if you like.” You’re showing her that not only are you sorry, but you’re also attempting to make what went wrong right again.

  • Even if you believe she shares some blame, this is not the time to point out her errors. You are apologizing for your part in the disagreement, not dissecting the entire argument. That can always come later (in a calm manner) after things have cooled down.
  • Again, it’s imperative you are sincere when apologizing. Giving a flippant “Fine then! If it’ll shut you up, I’ll apologize!” will only worsen the situation. If you still have some hard feelings, give it a little time and write out your apology instead. People tend to be not as harsh in spoken word.

Allow Her to Vent

Whatever you do, DO NOT invalidate her feelings. If she’s upset, she’s upset for a reason. Instead, allow her to vent her frustrations. In this situation, your job is to sit there and let her do so. It may be uncomfortable, but shouting over her will not improve the situation. Also, refrain from saying, “Calm down” and “You’re acting crazy.” This will only upset her even more.

Let’s be clear, you do not have to put up with bashing or abuse of any sort, but if she feels compelled to rant and cry and maybe even lash out at you a bit, allow her to get out all those frustrations. It may not be the healthiest way, but it’s the only way she knows how right now. Additionally, regardless of what she says, try your best not to take it personally. When she’s done ranting, please don’t ask invalidating questions like, “Well, are you finally done?” Again, this will only make her more upset.

Look at It From Her Perspective

Breathe, step back, and put your ego aside for a moment. Look at the situation from all angles. While it’s easy to become defensive and annoyed, the bottom line is she’s angry for a reason, and maybe in the heat of the moment, you didn’t understand why. However, if you take the shoe-on-the-other-foot approach, you may understand better. If you’ve done that and are still at a loss, here are a few other methods you can try.

  • Explain your side
  • Ask her to detail why she’s angry
  • Let it go. You’re going to have to agree to disagree
  • Give it time. Sometimes discussions in the heat of the moment aren’t the best remedy

Do say things like:

  • “I can see where you’re coming from.”
  • “I get that you’re angry, but here’s my side of things.”
  • “I can see you’re upset, so I’ll come back to discuss it later.”
  • “Really? I didn’t see it like that.”

Do not say things like:

  • “Oh please! You’re being over dramatic.”
  • “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
  • “Oh my gosh, I gotta get out of here.”
  • “You’ve got issues.”

Don’t Automatically Get Angry Back

During an argument, when one person raises their voice first, it prompts the other person to do the same. The discussion may have begun calmly, but as soon as you see her voice raising a decibel or two, diffuse the situation quickly. This doesn’t mean to tell her to relax or calm down. It means to de-escalate the situation by:

– Not Raising Your Voice to Match Hers

This is not an easy feat, especially when she’s screaming in your face. However, you must keep your voice calm and steady to quiet the situation.

– Remaining Calm  

1. If she’s yelling and appears agitated, take deep breaths. This is not full-on meditating while she’s screaming at you. Doing this slows down your breathing, so your pulse doesn’t quicken. 

2. Count to 5 before responding. Those few seconds can be the difference between soothing the situation or saying something you’ll regret

Give Her Space

The good news is that if she asks for space, that means that while she may be upset now, with some time, she won’t be. So if she asks for a bit of space, give it to her. Unfortunately, “space” could mean hours, days, or several days, but at least there is hope that she will get over her anger.

What do you do if you feel like talking about it now, but she doesn’t? Both parties must be willing participants when it comes to ending a feud. This will also give you time to calm down and reflect on the argument.

If it seems like she wants to discuss it now, but you’re the one not ready, it’s okay to ask for space. However, reassure her that you aren’t trying to avoid her. You’re simply trying to process what happened, and when you’re ready, you’ll discuss it.

Give Her a Kind Gesture

Okay, so the argument happened, and you have two choices. You can either solve the original issue or do something nice for her. For instance, if she’s angry that you forgot to walk the dog, solve the problem by walking the dog. Then, solve further issues by walking the dog before she has to ask. It’s that simple.

However, she may be angry over something that’s “un-fixable,” like saying something rude that you can’t take back. If that’s the case, go for the kind gesture to make up for it.

10 Gift Ideas to Give Your Angry Girlfriend

  • Stuffed animals, flowers or chocolate: A gift doesn’t need to be extravagant. It should be a simple show of appreciation. For instance, a gag gift can lighten any situation.
  • Food: Thisis always a great choice to soothe the savage beast. So if she’s angry, surprise her with food from her favorite restaurant.
  • Take her out for a night on the town: Call up your friends and hit her favorite local hot spots for an evening of fun.
  • Balloon banner: If you’re a guy of few words, this is the perfect way to say “I’m sorry” without actually having to say the words. If the words “I’m sorry” are too simplistic for you, try something like “I messed up” or “I miss you.”
  • Anything heart-shaped: is a great gift to showcase your love when she’s angry. A heart-shaped mug, pillow, or necklace is the perfect option.
  • Multi-photo picture frame: So she can forget the argument and focus on all the good times.
  • A cooking class: This is an excellent gift option when she’s angry with you. Or anything she’s always wanted to try but never did, such as pottery or art classes. Sign up for a boxing session so the both of you can have a good time letting out your frustrations on a punching bag instead of each other. Bonus: you’ll get in a great workout, too.
  • Matching t-shirts: How can she still be angry with you when you’re both wearing matching T-shirts? It doesn’t matter if the image on the shirt is romantic or funny. She’ll love either one.
  • Long weekend trip:: If the funds allow, surprise her with a long weekend trip to a nearby city.

The idea of gift-giving is not to buy her affection; it’s a kind gesture to show that you are sorry and that you would like to help her overcome any lingering anger and resentment.

Give Her a Hug

This idea may sound simple, but human contact effectively calms a person down. It’s a scientific fact that hugs help people get over conflict. Physical contact will go a long way if you are in the right frame of mind and aren’t angry. If you’re unsure if she’s ready for a hug, ask. If she agrees, wrap your arms around her and hold tight. Many times, a hug is all it takes.

However, if you misjudge her and she’s not into your hug, let her go immediately. She may not be ready to have any physical contact with you. If you ask and she’s not interested, do not force her into a hug. Instead, tell her you understand but that the hug is there for her when she’s ready.

Rebuild Her Trust

If you messed up, it might be some time before your relationship returns to normal again. During that time, you need to rebuild trust. You will never be able to control how someone else feels, but you can demonstrate that you’re serious about making things right again.

People tend to become frustrated when they’re in the doghouse. Be patient. It may take a while. And even when you think the relationship has gotten over the hump, there might be lingering feelings. For example, if you cheated and you’ve had a discussion and moved on from the indiscretion, she may be triggered by seeing you talk to another girl. In this case, it’s your job to always be transparent so she feels secure in the relationship again.

How to Rebuild Trust after an Affair

Man hugging woman
  • 1. Be honest and use full disclosure when discussing the affair. There should be no secrets. If she asks, you answer.
  • 2. Make sure she understands how remorseful you are.
  • 3. Seek counseling, especially if she wants to.
  • 4. Be transparent. If you say you’re going to be somewhere, be there. If plans change, let her know that.
  • 5. Avoid rehashing the events surrounding the affair. Unless you are sitting in front of a licensed therapist, there is no need to continue discussing the affair.
  • 6. Don’t get angry or impatient if she is not ready to accept your apology. It takes time.
  • 7. Empathize with your partner. What if she did the same thing? Empathy helps to understand.

It’s important to exercise patience after disclosing an affair. Although it varies for every couple, it can take up to 1 to 2 years to completely forgive an affair.

Make Her Smile

A lot of times, an argument can start with a misunderstanding or something equally silly. If this is one of those disagreements, once the conflict is resolved, use humor to help move on. Of course, joking is appropriate only if the argument isn’t centered around a serious or sensitive topic.

If you crack a joke and she laughs or smiles, you’re good. However, if you make a joke and she cuts her eyes at you, move on because it’s too soon, and this may open up the wound all over again. So if you’re uncertain whether or not to make a joke at that point, err on the side of caution and keep it yourself.

Relationships can be complex. Unless you’re perfect, which no one is, your girlfriend will get mad at you at some point. However, what you do to help get over that argument is vital. Most arguments will quickly pass, but those more severe conflicts can break even the most solid relationships. Communicate and be honest. It will all eventually work out.