Have you ever tried to be a completely different person for him? Newsflash! He’s not interested in that. As it turns out, girls trying too hard to be something they’re not is a complete turnoff for him.
For example, she acts dumb when she double majors in aeronautical engineering and paleontology. Why play games? You should be proud of that accomplishment. Show that stuff off and be the awesome unicorn that you are!
But who am I kidding? Women (just like guys) have annoying traits that are total dude-killers. So, if he piqued your interest, don’t go comparing him to your bodybuilding ex just yet. Instead, check out what’s a turnoff to some (not all) guys.
1. Talking Too Much
Talking too much, especially about yourself, is a turnoff. For instance, you may ask how his day went, but before he can utter a single word, you cut in and detail your work day and how your co-worker ate your salad again. He may be nodding and pretending to listen, but he’s silently screaming, “Who cares?” Rambling on about mundane things you know he cares nothing about is a guaranteed way to turn him off.
Bonus points if you somehow always manage to pivot the conversation back to you. For example, he says he took his dog to the park. You interrupt with how you don’t like the park because it’s too crowded. Of course, this makes him think you’re a narcissist who only cares about yourself.
In addition, it’s a turnoff if you are a fast talker and he can’t understand a single word you’re saying. Having to constantly ask Huh? and What? is not cute. Slow down. Enjoy the date by listening to each other.
2. Complain, Complain, Complain
Most people agree that they don’t want to be in the company of a person who constantly complains. For example, does she complain about the food when he takes her to dinner? Does she whine to the waiter?
Yes, the world is not perfect, but complaining about every little thing will give him a negative view of you. So instead, focus on the positive rather than point out the negative. For example, was the restaurant lighting perfect? Did you get your food promptly? Concentrate on these things.
According to Success.com, “Complaining is a coping mechanism. And the first step in replacing an unhealthy coping mechanism with a healthy one is to identify when and why it appears.” In other words, search for its root cause to stop the chronic whining. Then, you will live a happier life, and people will enjoy being around you more.
Additionally, men find it unattractive when women start bad-mouthing people, especially family, and friends. What do you think she says about him if she complains about them when they aren’t around? If she turns into Carrie Complain-a-lot, he probably won’t call again.
3. Constant Poking
People aren’t perfect, men included. However, they don’t need a woman to constantly tell them about their faults. It’s one thing to comment on something that may bruise his ego, but to do it in front of others is a dealbreaker.
He especially despises it when women point out a physical flaw he’s sensitive about. So, for example, commenting on his thinning hair will not win you any points and will for sure be a turnoff.
4. Not Being Truthful
Dishonesty seems like common sense, but it still happens. Being honest is one of the essential things in a relationship. How can you continue to grow if you don’t have a strong foundation built on trust?
And this isn’t only being truthful about the big things, like not telling him you were hanging out with your ex last night. It’s also the little lies that can get you into trouble, like telling him you were at lunch with friends when you were really out shopping. Breach of trust is serious, no matter what your intentions are.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship
- Don’t commit if you can’t do it
- Make communication a priority
- Be honest
- Address issues
- Be patient
- Be consistent. Do what you say you’re going to do
- Avoid judging
- Be willing to listen
- Lead by example
- Be accountable
5. Always on Your Cell
At home, you spend more time scrolling through social media than hanging out with him. Not only are you checking out the latest pop culture news, but you also let it affect your daily life by constantly talking about it. According to Cosmopolitan.com, “In the same vein, actually caring about Snapchat or Instagram enough that it impedes real life.” is another turnoff.
6. Not Showering
For men, it’s not always about carrying a smelly dust cloud around you everywhere you go (shout out to Pig-Pen). Men enjoy a women’s scent when she comes out of the shower. Plus, they love to watch women get ready for the day. Cleanliness is attractive to guys because it shows you take pride in how you look (and smell).
7. A Lack of Self-Confidence
Being shy can sometimes be attractive, but having a self-deprecating attitude isn’t. When you don’t speak up about your opinions, it leads him to believe that you’re just going along with anything he says because you want him to like you, and that’s not cute.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having an opinion, even if you disagree with his. Guys prefer a woman who is confident about who she is and what she wants.
Physically speaking, men want a beautiful woman not only in their eyes but in hers as well. A woman that’s attractive inside and out takes pride in her appearance because she knows she’s a catch and he’s lucky to have her.
8. Always Having to Initiate Sex
Here’s something that’s not so shocking; men enjoy sex. However, they don’t always want to be the *initiators of it. Sometimes they like it when a woman takes charge in the bedroom. They especially appreciate it when you plan a memorable evening.
Let’s be clear, it’s not all about sex, but physical intimacy is essential to a relationship. When you initiate physical contact, it shows that you are still sexually attracted.
*Side note: Is it just me, or does anyone else think of a futuristic cyborg at the mention of Initiator?
9. Always Offering Advice or an Opinion
As mentioned earlier, being silent regarding your opinion is a turnoff. However, always offering unsolicited advice or opinions is another no-no. So, now you’re confused. Which is it, offer advice or keep your thoughts to yourself?
It doesn’t have to be one or the other. If he asks for advice, give it. But if you see that he’s just venting about his day, let him talk. You don’t always need to comment or make suggestions.
Tips on Being a Good Listener
We all have opinions and can’t wait to offer them up. But when is it better to be a listener? The masterful art of listening is underrated. According to Forbes.com, listening “helps build relationships, solve problems, ensure understanding, resolve conflicts, and improve accuracy.”
If you want to become a better listener, check out these tips.
- Be empathetic. Don’t judge before getting the complete story. Then if you see fit, offer your opinion.
- Keep the focus on them. People tend to interject their experiences into someone else’s story.
- Encourage with a nod or lean in. This demonstrates you are listening and they have your complete attention.
- Be fully present. Turn off your phone. Clear your mind and prepare to give your full attention.
- To get a better understanding, visualize what the speaker is saying.
- Maintain eye contact. Avoid looking out of the window or watching people as they enter the room.
- Don’t interrupt. People speak at different paces. Don’t rush them along by interjecting before they finish their sentence.
- Ask questions. This demonstrates you were listening and that you are interested in finding out more.
- Recognize your non-verbal cues. Are you yawning or rolling your eyes? You may be saying one thing, but your non-verbal cues tell a different story.
10. Never Going Home
It’s okay if you spend one or two nights with him, but if you bring your toothbrush, hair dryer, and an extra pair of undies, you obviously intend to stay a while. This may be okay if you’re on the same page, but it’s a massive turnoff if he expects something less permanent. People need space and time to unwind without someone around all the freakin’ time. Too much time together will leave him searching for the nearest exit.
11. Lacking Spontaneity
While it’s nice to have a routine, a little spontaneity to spice things up ain’t such a bad thing either. It’s attractive when you’re all in for an impromptu weekend getaway.
Send him roses to his job, or do something else he would never suspect, like waking him up in the morning with coffee and bagels. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture. It simply has to be something out of the ordinary everyday routine.
Ideas to Liven up Your Boring Relationship
You know it can become monotonous if you’ve been in a relationship for a while. Want to add a dash of spontaneity to it? Try these ideas.
- Plan an outdoor adventure
- Backyard moving night
- Create your own paint and sip
- Offer an at-home spa treatment
- Go out dancing
- Try a local wine and beer tour
- Whisk your partner away for a weekend getaway. Bonus if you pack the clothes, too
- Surprise your partner with a shopping
- Take a class together (yoga, cooking, art)
- Pack an afternoon picnic
- Write them a poem
12. Talking about a Future Together Too Soon
On your first date, it’s a major turnoff if you’re talking about how adorable your kids will be or what kind of house you want to buy. So instead, take your time, enjoy the now, and stop worrying about a future that may or may not be.
Talking about a future together should never come on a first or even a seventh date. At that point, you should be getting to know each other and enjoying being in each other’s company. Never force it. Let a possible future expose itself naturally.
13. Always on the Go
You don’t always have to have an event planned or create a rigid social schedule. Relaxing at home is the perfect opportunity to get some much-needed rest and spend quality time with him.
Too much structure may make him feel like he’s at work, and on his weekend off, he’d prefer to relax before starting another grueling work week. So plan a day of doing absolutely nothing, but if something chill comes up, you can do that too. Keep it simple and learn to go with the flow.
14. Not Making Time for the Relationship
I’m busy; he’s busy; you’re busy, I get it. We’re all busy. But a turnoff for him is when you don’t set aside any time for your relationship. A guy wants to know that you’re still into him. He wants to avoid having to force his way into your active lifestyle.
Becoming too comfortable and taking the relationship for granted is common. Because of this, many relationships don’t last.
Here’s an interesting tidbit of information:
When it comes to sex, although the average seems to be a few times each week, there isn’t one correct amount of sex that a man needs/wants. However, the bigger need is that he wants to feel as though you still desire him, and for a man, that often comes in the form of sex.
7 Ways to Let Him Know You’re Attracted
Ladies, it doesn’t necessarily need to be sex but show him you still think he’s hot. Aside from ripping off his clothes and throwing him down onto the bed–although some guys would love that–check out other ways to show him he still got it.
- Compliment him
- Make eye contact and smile when speaking to him
- Send him hot/romantic texts
- Give him a massage
- Give him a light touch on the shoulder when he’s talking
- Tell him what you like about him (physically or emotionally)
- Give him little kisses throughout the day
It’s important to note that you should never change who you are for anybody, but we all have our little quirks that can be a turnoff for anyone, not just guys. The key is to be self-aware and make minor personality adjustments where you see fit. Good luck and Happy Dating!