You broke up with your ex two months ago, and last night they called you, complaining about something or other (You can’t even remember since you already had a few glasses of wine). The next thing you recall is waking up in the same oversized Phillies T-shirt you used to wear when you were dating.
We’ve all been there. Sleeping with an ex after a breakup is more common than you think. Usually, when you “come back for seconds,” the sex is amazing. However, when it’s over, you might feel like you still need the closure you previously sought. Or are you falling into the same pattern you had when you were both together? And considering they’re the ex, that didn’t work out too well for ya, huh?
Getting back into a sexual relationship with your ex can be tricky, especially if you are still trying to get over your breakup, so here are some do’s and don’ts when hooking up with your ex post-breakup.
Do Remember Why You Broke Up
It may have been a few months since you’ve seen your ex, but damn! They’re looking foooine! If you’ve ever felt this way, you probably jumped at the chance for a quick hookup. One night turns into two, turns into three, turns into–you get the point. Eventually, you become comfortable and may be inclined to return to what was.
Resist the temptation. Catch yourself and revisit the past, remembering exactly why you broke up in the first place. If the sex is so awesome that you have temporary amnesia when recalling past issues, call your family and friends. If you forget, they will happily remind you.
Do Have Fun
Having a casual hookup with your ex should be fun. You can perform all your old tricks and introduce new ones you’ve learned since the breakup. Stop thinking so much and relax.
However, if your ex starts commenting, “You never did that when we were together,” pull back on the acrobatics. Remember, don’t relive the past or look toward the future. Instead, enjoy this present moment and accept it for what it is; a casual hookup that may or may not happen again.
Don’t Be Pushy
When we drink, we sometimes reminisce about our ex and give them a call. Never Drunk Dial or Tipsy Text!
If your ex calls for a quick fling but has sobered up and regrets their decision by the time you get there, fuhgeddaboudit. These situations can be emotionally triggering and may result in remorse. Instead, pay attention to cues, and be prepared to stop immediately if they appear no longer interested.
Don’t Expect to Hear from Them
Yes, it is proper manners to reach out afterward to let you know last night was beyond awesome. However, don’t expect it. Instead, treat this casual fling for what it is; a one-off thing. It might never happen again, so you should be okay with that.
Call your friends if you start feeling like you want to talk about how much you miss your ex. They will be more than happy to remind you of the gazillion reasons why you broke up in the first place. Your friends are who you complained to every time your ex did something wrong, and trust me, they took notes.
Don’t Make It a Habit
It’s okay if the temptation is too strong, and you must revisit a sexual experience with your ex. But don’t make it a habit. Doing so creates a strong sense of comfort, and before you blink twice, POOF! You’re back in a relationship. To remain at a safe distance, try to treat the hookup as a one-time encounter and expect nothing more.
Signs You Shouldn’t Hookup with Your Ex
- If you feel they’re still carrying feelings for you: This places you in an awkward position and could lead to future hurt feelings.
- If you have lingering emotions: If you want more out of this fling than your ex is willing to give, keep it moving. Additionally, if you are still angry about the breakup, hooking up will not fix that and may even worsen matters.
- If they were abusive in your relationship: You’ve moved on, so don’t risk getting into that situation again.
- You don’t trust your ex: Even though it may only be a casual fling, your ex may still exhibit patterns of mistrust that could hurt your feelings.
Do Always Practice Safety First
When you two were dating, maybe you didn’t regularly wear a condom. Now that they’re your ex, they may have hooked up with others after your breakup.
To put it bluntly, if your ex does not have official documentation indicating a clean bill of health, wrap it up. This isn’t about what you used to do when you were together. It’s about now and how your ex (as well as you) may have recently been with several partners. Never sacrifice your health for one night of passion, no matter how good it is.
Don’t Discuss Other People
Just because you both are cool with being exes doesn’t mean you should discuss how many people are now interested in you. Even if it is casual, no one wants to hear about all the new people you’ve been with since the breakup.
Do Know Your Expectations
If you both understand this is just about sex, that’s good. However, if one person is hoping for a little more, that’s not so good. For this reason, it’s vital that you are on one accord. Keep it real with your ex by saying something like, “Even though we don’t get along in a relationship, the sex is amazing!” If your ex agrees, then you’re good. However, if your ex tells you they’re looking for something more, shut it down, and shut it down now.
Be completely honest, not only with your ex but with yourself. You may say you’re only looking for an occasional shot of vitamin D, and that’s it, but deep down, you want more. If he doesn’t feel the same, it will definitely create a problem.
Additionally, if he’s telling you he only wants a physical relationship, but he’s calling or texting every day and buying you gifts, he’s not being truthful. If this is the case, seriously consider moving on for good this time.
Signs It’s Okay to Hookup With Your Ex
All casual hookups aren’t bad. There are times when chilling with your ex can be a good thing. Check out a few instances when it’s cool to hook up with your ex.
- If you both agree: Be sure to mutually agree that you’re hooking up only for sexual satisfaction and no emotional commitment is involved. Both parties need to be on the same page.
- You can walk away anytime: It’s cool to hook up only if you can walk away from your ex without any hurt feelings and in a mature manner. You both should understand that this is a casual encounter that can end at any time.
- You’re considering giving the relationship another try: Hooking up is fine if you both agree you’re ready to give it another go. The only difference is now you have the dessert before the main course.
Don’t Return to Old Patterns
You haven’t regularly talked to or texted your ex since dating, so why start now? Regular communication indicates something more than just a casual thing. If, after the third or fourth hookup, you notice your ex is sending you messages, telling you about their day, they are probably more comfortable with you and falling back into the same communication patterns as when you were a couple. If you sense this, pull back some (or altogether) to eliminate future hard feelings.
Don’t Discuss Past Hurt Feelings
What may have started as just a hookup may turn into casual discussions here and there, and that’s fine. However, don’t use the hookup to talk about the hurtful past or to fix previous issues you had while in the relationship. For instance, if your ex starts talking about what went wrong in the relationship, tell them in a calm, non-confrontational way that you’re not interested in revisiting the past.
Don’t Take Offense
Now that you both are only casually hooking up, your ex may not feel like they have to be careful with anything they say around you. For example, they can joke about the hole in your sock or how much bigger you are now that you’re not together. If this happens, use a self-deprecating attitude and shrug it off.
7 Signs Your Ex May Be Ready to Reunite
Reuniting with your ex is something you should not go into lightly. However, if you are on the same page, go for it!
Do they appear sincere in making it work this go-’round? Have you both recognized why you broke up in the first place? Have you matured and grown while you were apart? Check out these seven signs to know if your ex is ready to recommit.
- You Are on Friendly Terms: If your ex still calls occasionally to check up on you, or if they text when something reminds them of you, they may be ready to get back together.
- Their Responses Are Quick and Enthusiastic: If your ex messages you back right away and with enthusiastic, flirty responses, they may be interested in getting back into a relationship with you.
- Your Breakup Was a Miscommunication or Unintentional: Relationships can be complicated, and it’s quite possible that you and your ex didn’t really mean to break up. For example, you were both too busy or had family obligations, but you still enjoyed talking or occasionally hanging out together.
- Your Number Isn’t Blocked: When you want to move on, you want to completely move on, so that means blocking you from all social media. If you’re not blocked on any of your ex’s social media, they may be open to getting back together.
- They Attempt to Make You Jealous: If your ex constantly tells you about the new people in their life, they may be trying to get a reaction out of you in the hopes that you will see how in demand they are. Again, the thinking is, if other people want me, why shouldn’t you?
- Your Ex Calls for Updates: If they always contact you, asking questions like, “How’s your job going?” or “How’s school?” there is a hidden ulterior motive. Your ex asked before, so why are they interested now?
- Others Are Unaware of Your Breakup: Often, after a tumultuous relationship, we cannot wait to shout our break up from the rooftops. If your ex’s family and friends have no idea that the two of you are no longer together, it could be because your ex is in denial and hoping to rekindle a romance in the future.
Every relationship is different. Every breakup is, too. Hooking up with your ex is something that can be a great experience. But, unfortunately, it can also lead to hurt feelings.
If you’re considering having a casual fling with your ex, weigh all the pros and cons and then decide if it’s right for you.
