Have you ever reminisced about all those relationships that didn’t work out even though you wanted them to so badly? In retrospect, you can probably remember seeing a million early warning signs that each guy gave that may have given you some idea of the inevitable heartbreak around the corner. If only you had known the signs to look for.
So, that’s why we’re here. To keep you from being played by some guy, here’s the inside intel on what you should be on the lookout for so you can beat him to the punch and kick him to the curb first.
We’ve compiled the ultimate list of early warning signs that undoubtedly indicate that he’s one to avoid if you’re searching for a genuine relationship.
Clear Signs He’s Playing You
1. He Never Calls When He Says He Will
We get it. Life gets busy, and there are always extenuating circumstances like his pressure-filled project at work. He may lose track of time and not call right away. But if this is a regular occurrence, it’s a surefire sign you’re not a priority.
When a guy is genuinely interested in starting or continuing a proper relationship with you, he will constantly be thinking about you and won’t forget to call. Not only will he not forget, but he can’t wait until you two talk again.
2. When You Have Plans, He Doesn’t Show Up (Or Call)
This just screams, dick! However, maybe he was unconscious in a hospital with amnesia somewhere. Hmmmmm! I don’t think so! Strike one!
Perhaps aliens kidnapped him and shuttled him to Mars. Nah! Strike two!
If you’re looking for strike three, there isn’t one because it doesn’t matter. There is absolutely no good reason for him not to call—unless he really was in the hospital somewhere, but make him prove that one before you forgive him.
Staying with guys after a move like this shows your lack of respect for yourself. His pulling this move indicates the kind of rocky relationship you’re in store for, which will likely end badly. So, save yourself some time (and headaches), and pack your bags because it’s time to go.
3. He’s Constantly Late and Doesn’t Bother to Call to Let You Know
And speaking of not calling.
There are so many reasons a person can run late. Maybe they’re caught in traffic, their car broke down, or they are stuck at the office. That’s not the problem. The issue comes when he’s late and doesn’t bother to call to put your mind at ease.
Our money’s on lying because what guy do you know doesn’t constantly have his phone charged? It may be down to 8%, but it’s enough to make a quick call to let you know he’s running behind schedule.
The point is he needs to be respectful of your time, and if he isn’t, you’re just not that important to him. We can look past lateness, even if it’s chronic because some guys aren’t good with time management, but not calling to let you know he’s running late is completely disrespectful, and you shouldn’t put up with it. His rudeness toward you is inexcusable and a sure sign that you’re not a priority in his life.
4. He Knows a Lot More about You than You Do about Him
Are you doing all the talking during your conversation? The only time he adds anything about him to the discussion is when you flat-out ask him a question. What’s your middle name? Where did you go to school? How many brothers and sisters do you have?
And then, when he answers the question, he never elaborates. That’s what’s called “pulling teeth,” and you shouldn’t have to do it to find out more about him.
You: “Are you an only child?”
You: “When was your first kiss?”
Him: “I was fifteen.”
He doesn’t offer any additional information to the question you asked. The only way you get information is if you inquire further. Otherwise, you’ll never know.
It’s a proven fact that a majority of women talk more than men, but if he hasn’t told you the basic details of where he works, where he went to school, or where he grew up, and his answers are vague at best when you ask, then it shows he’s keeping you at a distance.
5. You Know More about Him than He Knows about You
This is the flip side of the last point. If he’s too busy talking about himself and doesn’t give two hoots about you and your interests and what you like to do, it’s a waving red flag.
Guys who aren’t interested in getting to know more about someone will monopolize all their time together, talking about their hobbies, interests, and what they enjoy because they don’t care about anything you have to say about yourself.
There is some good news; some people have narcissistic tendencies, so there’s no danger in taking it personally because it’s all about him and doesn’t have anything to do with you. A narcissist isn’t interested in anyone but himself, so watch out!
6. He Sets Rules about How Often He’ll See You
What in the loser mess is this all about? Having a guys’ night out, a Thursday Poker Night, or anything along those lines is fine. You encourage him to go out with his buddies and hang out.
But if he’s only willing to see you every Friday night, or every other weekend, that’s a huge sign he’s keeping his options open while still perusing the market for something better. Of course, the exception is if he has a child custody situation, but if kids aren’t in the equation, watch out because he’s playing you harder than a Serena William’s tennis match.
Don’t wait for him to kick you to the curb if this happens. Pack your shit and kick yourself to the curb! (You know what we mean.)
7. No One Knows about You
He hasn’t told anyone about you, but you don’t know this immediately because you haven’t met his friends (another sign).
If he hasn’t introduced you to his friends, asked you to hang out with them every once in a while, or gone to a party with them, it’s a sure sign that he hasn’t decided if you’re The One.
Of course, you may not choose to hang out with his friends too much, especially if they’re a bunch of beer-guzzling partygoers, but they should at least know who you are. And if they don’t know who you are, that should be because you don’t want to yet, not because he hasn’t made a move to. A relationship is a two-way street, so stop allowing him to hold all the cards.
How his friends treat you when you’re around can also be a significant indicator of how things are progressing or will progress. If the friends treat you like the flavor of the month with a flippant attitude, they’re probably putting getting to know you on the back burner until you make it past week 5 in the relationship.
8. He Doesn’t Spend Holidays with You
Sometimes a guy can’t spend the holidays with you because of specific circumstances like his job or because he has children and wants to spend time with them at a holiday family function. But even then, he should be able to carve out a little time to see you before or after family time.
Holidays are particularly special to women, and if he doesn’t understand that, that’s a whole other issue (lack of consideration and not regarding your feelings).
If he’s taking off to hang out playing pool with his buddies over the holidays because he knows the pool halls will be less crowded, and he doesn’t bother to invite you, you are clearly not a priority to him.
9. He Never Invites You to Any Family Gatherings
When you get invited to meet the family, it’s a huge deal, as it should be. Meeting family only happens when you feel like the relationship is headed somewhere.
There is a chance that he is embarrassed by his family. That happens all the time, but if that’s the case, he would have probably already told you about his crazy aunt Minnie or toxic cousin Sarah. Eventually, he’s going to have to be comfortable enough to bring you around them, so if this is the case, relax. You’ll meet them someday soon.
However, if he’s never mentioned being embarrassed by anyone in his family and you still haven’t met any of them, he’s still feeling you out to see if you are his perfect match.
10. He Never Tells You His Business
He’ll leave the house without telling you where he’s going, what he’s doing, who he’s going with, or when he’ll be back. He does this because it’s a game to him, and he prefers to keep you guessing.
You don’t hide information or keep secrets if you’re in a healthy relationship. This is a surefire sign that he’s keeping his options open, and as soon as someone better comes along, he’s out the door. If he’s not forthcoming regarding his whereabouts, we say stop worrying and start moving—into a new apartment.
11. He Has Plenty of Females Friends and Makes Sure You Know
“Platonic” opposite friends are rare because there is almost always some sort of feelings coming from one or the other. So when a guy is in a relationship, he has even less time to spend with his buddies, so why would he want to spend his dwindling time with a woman–who’s not you?
There could be several reasons for this; most of them involve one deeply rooted issue or another, and none of them work in your favor.
He even tells you he signed up for several online dating apps but that they’re just “friends,” he talks to online with whom he occasionally meets up.
Not only is he dating several women at once, he makes sure you know about it. It sounds like he’s playing games because he knows your feelings toward him, but he doesn’t care. This is another reason you should get out of the relationship and either chill or find an emotionally mature guy who wants to be in a relationship with you.
12. He Doesn’t Discuss His Future with You
Living for the moment is all fine and dandy, but eventually, if you’re in a relationship, you will have to discuss your future. Otherwise, you won’t know if the two of you are on the same page.
For example, he’s talking about moving into a one-bedroom when his lease is up, but you think you’ll get a place together. In this case, he’s on one page, and you’re on an entirely different book altogether.
At this point in your relationship, he should occasionally mention the future with you. If he’s not, chances are you aren’t in it. Or, if you mention the future and he falls silent or quickly changes the subject, you might as well get a head start and start looking for your own place.
If you see one or more of these warning signs in your relationship, it’s likely that this isn’t the guy who wants a serious commitment right now—or at least not the type you’re looking for.
Rather than trying to change him or waiting for him to realize his mistake, focus on yourself so you can choose better next time. It’s best to walk away with your self-esteem intact.
And don’t look back when he starts calling and chasing you down again because if he’s a game player, he will contact you again, but with any luck, you will have already moved on, so good riddance to him.