You notice little signs here and there, but you don’t dwell on them. But, lately, your partner has been acting differently. Whenever you try to express your feelings, they seem to gaslight you, making it seem like you’re overreacting.
According to the definition, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition in which someone has an unreasonably high sense of entitlement. They need a lot of attention and desire for people to admire them. As a result, they lack the ability to care for or understand anyone else’s feelings.
Narcissistic Traits Include
- Sense of superiority: They’re not just vain. They have unrealistic feelings of superiority. They believe they’re unique, special, and more important than anyone else. They think they deserve exceptional treatment and expect it from others.
- Overblown sense of entitlement: They want and believe they deserve above-par treatment, and others should comply without question. They think they should have anything they want and will step over others to get it. According to a narcissist, their wants and needs should always come first.
- Constantly fantasizing to support delusions of grandeur: They have such an overblown sense of grandiosity that’s far from reality. They trick themselves with fantasies of power, success, brilliance, greatness, beauty, or fame. These delusions help them feel in control.
- Exaggeration of achievements: Because they believe they are superior, they expect everyone else to fall in line and recognize it. As a result, they exaggerate their achievements and sometimes even lie. They love to go on about how significant their contributions are but downplay the accomplishments of others.
- Need to be looked at as superior: Even if they have done nothing to deserve it, they want people to see them as superior and the best at what they do. They need others to validate and believe they are better than everyone.
- Need for worship: The attention they seek is adulatory in nature. They want praise and recognition along with admiration from everyone they encounter.
- They only want to socialize with other “special people”: Because they consider themselves superior, they only want to keep the company of others in their league. They believe only others of high status understand them and feel they are too good to associate with average or ordinary people.
So, the question is, are you dating a narcissist? To figure it out, take this 5-minute quiz to see how many warning signs your partner exhibits.
1). Does Your Partner Constantly Think That They Deserve Special Treatment?
This is a telltale sign of narcissism. They believe everyone, including you, should go above and beyond to make them comfortable. If you need to walk on eggshells not to offend them, then so be it. Plus, don’t even think about complaining about them and the situation because they do nothing wrong and have no problem telling you so.
For example, You get angry at them for not taking out the garbage even after you asked several times, and they even agreed to do it but forgot. A narcissist will turn it around on you and get angry with you for even asking in the first place AND having the nerve to get angry at them.
2). Does Your Partner Seem Aloof, Cold, Annoyed, or Disgusted When You Talk about Your or Others’ Emotions?
This is a common trait in narcissists because, according to them, the feelings of others don’t matter. So if you try to talk to your partner and they brush you off, it may be because they don’t understand why you’re so upset.
For example, your partner said something to hurt you, and you pulled them aside and let them know. But, instead of empathizing with how you feel, they insist you stop overreacting to something they didn’t mean.
However, they have no issue confronting you if you say something that irritates them. Additionally, they aren’t open to hearing your explanations because once they made up their mind that you’re wrong, in their eyes, you are wrong.
3). Do You Ever Feel Used or Manipulated by Your Significant Other, like They Only Take an Interest in You When They Want Something?
Narcissists find it challenging to give anyone else attention unless it’s to their benefit. This is mainly because, according to them, no one else’s needs are as important as theirs. In their distorted reality, others should be fulfilling their needs and not the other way around.
For example, you’ve asked your partner repeatedly to go out to dinner, but every time they decline. So you’re surprised when they take you to dinner and give you a dozen roses. However, they spend the entire meal picking your brain about a business venture they’re interested in. The dinner had nothing to do with you. It was more about what they needed.
Typically, relationships that fall into this category don’t last very long. While the narcissist doesn’t see an issue, the other person in the relationship can become fed up and be ready to move on to someone more suitable for their personality.
4). Does Your Partner Talk about Themselves, Their Goals, and Their Achievements in Arrogant Ways?
While it’s great to have goals, narcissists will build up their achievements and goals while belittling others’ dreams. According to them, they have the best of everything, such as cars, careers, and even partners. They think they’re the best at every sport, and if they fall short, ‘it’s a dumb sport anyway.’
For instance, your partner’s friend buys a new house. However, instead of celebrating their friend’s accomplishment, your partner will say, “The house isn’t even in a good neighborhood.”
To feel better, they need to downgrade someone else’s achievements. Often, they are offended and feel threatened by the accomplishments of others, thinking, how dare they try to make me feel bad by being successful?
5). Do You Feel Validating or Entertaining Your Partner Is the Only Way to Keep Their Attention?
If you feel you need to constantly tell your partner that they’re great at their job, or you cater to their every whim to keep them interested in the relationship, you could be dating a narcissist.
Narcissists love to hear about themselves. So, of course, the only way you can hold their attention long enough is by telling them what they want to hear. For instance, when you talk about your accomplishments, they seem disinterested. However, they can’t get enough of you talking about their remarkable achievements.
6). Does Your Partner Regularly Avoid Personal Responsibility and Become Defensive?
Narcissists generally hold everyone else accountable, but they’re never at fault. Even if it’s clear that they messed up, they will not only avoid taking responsibility, but they will also become defensive and get angry at you because you had the nerve to point out their fault AND have the audacity to believe they were at fault in the first place.
This is a dangerous and frustrating trait for the other person in the relationship because their partner doesn’t see the error of their ways so they won’t correct their behavior.
Even if they know the issue, they won’t take responsibility for it. A classic example is blaming and becoming defensive when a spouse accuses them of cheating.
7). Do They Act Withdrawn or Depressed if Things Don’t Go Their Way?
Because, like a two-year-old, a narcissist believes they should get everything they want. When that doesn’t happen, instead of throwing a tantrum (some do), they fall into a depressed state. Often they become defensive or angry at you.
This creates challenges in a relationship because situations don’t always go our way. For example, if a person’s mood is contingent on having everything they want, their partner will experience frequent mood swings.
Most people who are narcissists aren’t always fully aware of their behavior or the consequences of their behavior. This can be good because they may be more open to seeking help. If you suspect your partner of displaying the traits in this quiz, educate yourself on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and then seek the assistance of a licensed professional.