We all want to find the perfect guy, but in that quest, we sometimes force a relationship that isn’t right. In the beginning, he may say all the right things that make you believe he’s Mr. Perfect. But if watching him sleep makes you cringe two months into the relationship, Houston, we have a problem! If you used to count down the minutes until he came for a visit, and now you’re annoyed by a simple text, this guy is not for you.
So, how do you know when you’ve found the right one? Rarely do we know during the early stages of the relationship because it’s brand new, and his true colors have yet to surface. However, if you’ve been dating him for some time, here are 11 reassuring signs that this guy’s in it for the long haul.
He’s a Kind Guy (Even When You’re Not)
Being kind to you at the beginning of a relationship is expected. However, if after a year (or more) of dating, your man doesn’t go for the jugular during heated arguments, he’s the one. Typically, all bets are off during fights, and we sometimes say things in anger that we don’t mean. So it’s a good sign if he has not touched on your trigger point, even during a disagreement.
Studies show that one of the best indicators that your relationship will last is NOT whether or not you argue — because if you both breathe air and have a pulse, that will definitely happen. It’s more about how you argue. Believe it or not, some people can still maintain respect in an argument; others just await the opportunity to attack.
In addition, it’s a good sign if he’s kind to those he isn’t trying to impress. This shows that rather than attempting to appear a certain way to someone, being kind is simply in his nature.
He Doesn’t Get On Your Last Freakin’ Nerve
It’s obvious he’s not the one if his mere presence makes you ill. Of course, at the beginning of a relationship, everything is roses. However, he’s a keeper if he doesn’t grate on your nerves during trying times with whining and complaining. Did he previously do things you liked in the past that now irritate you? If so, it may be time to move on.
When you’re with someone for an extended time, you will do things to get on each other’s nerves. The key question is how much and how long you are willing to deal with it.
Relationships will never be perfect, so once you realize that, it makes all those irritations slightly more tolerable. For example, you used to think it was so adorable that he spilled crumbs on his shirt every time he ate. Now you’re disgusted by it — but eh, it’s not a dealbreaker.
I don’t mean opening doors or pulling out chairs for you (although old-school is sometimes appreciated). I’m referring to making you dinner after a long day of work or keeping the kids without having to ask him to. Those gestures let you know he has your well-being in mind. Plus, you’d do the same thing for him, so why not expect him to do it for you?
However, if it seems your partner doesn’t keep your needs and feelings in mind, don’t toss him away just yet. Here are 7 surefire ways to encourage him to be more considerate.
- Rather than criticize when he’s not being considerate, compliment him when he does something nice.
- Men aren’t mind-readers. So communicate and tell him when you feel discouraged and explain what you need from him.
- Know his personality. He wasn’t the type to automatically do dishes without being asked, so don’t expect him to start now.
- Read the room. He may have worked just as long and hard as you, so don’t always expect your guy to make dinner when he comes home. Try ordering out.
- Reciprocate considerate gestures. Just as you expect your partner to take the kids sometimes, you do the same when he wants to go out.
- Keep an open mind, and don’t get angry when you feel he’s not being considerate. You don’t know the full circumstances of the situation. Plus, when you keep an open mind, this encourages him to do the same.
- Don’t approach him with your concerns in a disrespectful manner. Instead, maintain a level of respect when explaining why you’re upset.
The important thing to do is to lead by example. For instance, if you walk through the door after working hard all day and he’s sitting on the couch watching television, you don’t need to argue. It’s nothing but wasted energy, and you’re already exhausted.
However difficult it may be, calmly explain that you would’ve appreciated him doing the dishes while you were gone. If you respond with a calm demeanor, he will, too. Shouting and screaming will only prompt him to do the same. Then, if that doesn’t work, take a bath. It’s not that serious, anyway.
You Feel Good When He’s Around
Is he the first person you go to when you’re feeling down? Is he also the go-to person when you have exciting news? If you answered yes to either question, he’s an up-lifter, and that’s why you enjoy being around him. Many happy couples become best friends and rely on each other to be inspiring partners. So how do you know if he’s your best friend? Here are 10 signs that indicate, yep, he’s your bestie.
- He’s your go-to guy: He’s the first person you want to tell exciting news to. For instance, you just got a raise at work, and it takes you 1,7 seconds to call him. Plus, you can’t wait to celebrate with him, just the two of you.
- You’d rather stay in with him on Friday night: Sure, going to the club with the girls can be fun, but it’s not nearly as exciting as ordering Chinese take-out and watching a good horror movie with him. In addition, you rarely miss hanging out with the girls; when you go out, you wish you were home with him snuggled under the covers.
- You have a secret language: Can you look at each other and know what the other is thinking? A mere glance can serve as a form of communication. Does he know that twirling your hair between your fingers means you’re hungry? Sometimes it’s all about the non-verbal cues.
- It’s not what you always say: Is he able to tell when you’re not telling the complete truth, even when you say one thing but mean another? For example, have you ever said, “I’m fine,” but didn’t really mean it? A best friend would know when you’re not okay and would call you out on it.
- You have specific shows you watch together: You have weekly shows you wouldn’t dare watch without each other. In fact, you make plans to have a weekend marathon. Your favorite episode of Cobra Kai is his favorite episode. He doesn’t even mind the fact that you have a crush on Johnny. Even if you sneak-watched an extra episode because he fell asleep, you’d watch it again with him like it was the first time simply because you enjoy his company. By the same token, he gets upset when you watch a new show without him.
- They know every little thing about you and adore you anyway: The connection is so strong that it would be harder to break up than to remain in the relationship. He knows all about your mistakes and your quirks and accepts them all. Your bond is so strong you couldn’t imagine what your life would be like without him.
- His opinion matters: You value his input, from tips on dealing with annoying family members to which suit looks best for work. You go to him for advice and even sometimes take it. You go to him for his opinion on any matter, whether big or small.
- You miss him when he’s not around: It’s not just when he’s at work, but you miss him when he’s busy on the weekend. You find yourself thinking about that funny thing he said last night, and you can’t wait to see him.
- He fills in for your previous relationships: Did you used to do your Saturday morning grocery shopping with your girlfriend, and now he’s the partner of choice when it comes to finding those buy-one-get-one specials? Childhood friends can grow apart, but you can still have some of the same interests. So don’t sacrifice those activities you used to enjoy; let your willing bestie fill the void.
- You trust him no matter what: If you feel comfortable telling him your deepest secrets, he is your best friend, and you know your secrets won’t leave those four walls. You can count on him for anything and trust him wholeheartedly with all your possessions. Additionally, you never have to question his loyalty to you.
Unfortunately, in unhealthy relationships, people will say, “I’m sorry,” as a manipulation tactic instead of an expression of genuine regret. It takes a man with a big heart to apologize. If he authentically apologizes for hurting you, it means he cares and regrets making you feel bad.
We all have hopes and dreams, but he’s a good guy if he supports them. He’ll offer suggestions and advice even if he doesn’t agree with everything. Not only does he not stop you from reaching your goals, he offers his assistance even if it means he’ll need to make a few sacrifices. The best part is that he doesn’t need to be with you physically to support you. He offers his support no matter where he is.
He Often Talks About You
When you go around his friends, are they scrambling around trying to figure out which one you are, or do they know all about you? Of course, you may not always be around when he’s discussing you. But if mutual friends tell you he talks about you all the time, consider yourself lucky because this guy may be the one.
Your Family and Friends Adore Him
Your family hated the last guy, the one before that, and the one before that. However, this one they can’t say enough good things about. They constantly ask about him when he’s not around and occasionally check in with you to make sure the relationship is still going strong.
It’s a good sign if he wants to meet your family and friends. This shows that he understands their importance to you and wants to be a part of that, too. You can rest assured that a good guy will never make you choose between him or them.
He Never Feels the Need to Pretend Around You
You know he puts on his “best face” in front of your friends and family (as he should), but you’ve seen the real him. You’ve witnessed the guy who sits around in his boxers with hands down his pants watching MMA, and you’re good with that.
Even during the courtship stage of your relationship, he never feigned enthusiasm for your hobbies and interests to get you into bed. Instead, he wanted to know about you because he was interested in you. The right one will be open and honest from the beginning and won’t lead you to believe something untrue.
You Both Are Endlessly Curious About Each Other
Not only are you always learning something new about each other, but you’re also fascinated by it. He’s interested in the minor details of your life and wants to know all about your friends. You’re curious about his childhood and enjoy his stories about being a kid. As a result, you’re always asking questions and are still learning new things about your partner.
He’s Not A Jealous Guy
Some guys don’t want to know about your exes, but this guy isn’t bothered if you bring them up. This indicates that he’s emotionally mature and isn’t troubled by trivial things. It also shows that he trusts you.
This is a guideline, not a checklist, so don’t take it too seriously. If you haven’t found the right one yet and are still looking, relax because it takes some trial and error. You know what you want out of a long-term partner. Besides, who knows? Your guy may be just around the corner, and you don’t even know it.
Good luck and Happy Dating!