Dating a man with a child can be both challenging and rewarding. If the child is younger and your boyfriend is not the custodial parent, as your relationship with him deepens, you will most likely come into contact with the child’s mother. You may be thinking “How do I handle meeting the mother of my boyfriend’s child?” Well, How you handle that and other encounters with her may affect your relationship with him.
Keep Your Expectations Realistic
If you’re meeting her for the first time, don’t go into it thinking you’re going to be BFFs. You’re not sure how steady her relationship is with your boyfriend, so it’s best to keep realistic expectations. Even if your boyfriend has given you some insight, hold off on making judgments. Just because she acts one way toward him doesn’t mean she’ll do the same to you.
For example, your boyfriend may believe he’s preparing you by telling you his ex is angry and condescending. While they may have one type of relationship because of their dealings with each other, the way she interacts with you may be the complete opposite.
Even under the best circumstances, dealing with your bf’s ex is not fun. And if they have a child together? This person will be a part of your life for a long time. Most exes manage to co-parent amicably, but some have a hostile relationship. If things are really volatile, and the majority of the drama is being caused by his ex, there are ways to check her history without causing drama. Services like Social Catfish, which provide background checks, exist for this very reason!
Don’t expect to pack your bags and hang out together on a girls’ weekend trip. However, you can expect to be cordial toward her. Keep the conversation friendly when you interact with her, whether over the phone or in person.
Your boyfriend, along with the child, will be watching. A positive interaction between you makes everyone feel more comfortable in a potentially awkward situation.
Don’t Rush Introductions
If the relationship is relatively new, you don’t want to push your boyfriend into making introductions with his ex too soon.
Instead, allow your boyfriend to take the lead by deciding the best time and place for you to meet his ex. It’s not just you and your boyfriend you need to think about. There’s also his ex and the child to consider. They may not be ready for someone new to enter this dynamic.
Often, when a guy is ready to introduce his new love, the ex may not be prepared, especially when a child is involved. So slow down and relax. It will happen soon because if your relationship progresses, the ex will want to meet the person interacting with her child.
Finally, when meeting his ex happens, your initial instinct may be to swoop in and take the lead. Instead, step back and allow your boyfriend to make the formal introductions. You don’t want to seem pushy or too friendly in a fake way.
Embrace the Challenge
Yes, “challenge” is an appropriate term for this situation because it can definitely be one. However, when the relationship progresses, it can result in one big happy family. Of course, you’ll always need to work on it to maintain its healthy status, but it’s well worth it.
Breakups and divorce are difficult for children because seeing their parents’ once happy union turn bad hurts. As the new person, you can help by keeping the communication lines open. If the relationship between your partner and his ex turns sour, you can step in to help resolve the conflict.
Give Mutual Respect
It’s easier to totally blow off the ex when children aren’t involved. However, ignoring the mother of your boyfriend’s child is not an option. If the relationship progresses, you’ll still need to have some contact with the ex.
It may not be easy to admit, but you and his ex will form your own relationship. The good news is you can decide how good or bad that relationship will be. Your boyfriend is pulled between a child and two women. That’s difficult enough. But it’s made worse if all parties don’t get along.
So, when you meet his ex for the first time, start on the right foot. Give her respect. You don’t have to be best friends, but if you’re going to be in this relationship for the long haul, you need to, at the very least, show some consideration.
What to Do if My Ex’s Baby Momma Is a B****
Sometimes, no matter what you do to make someone feel comfortable, they may still not like you for one reason or another. Now, take that same statement and add in a baby mama, and you have a recipe for disaster.
She may still have feelings for him or feel like he’s a deadbeat dad. Whatever the reason, she’s throwing shade at you, and you don’t know what to do.
- Stop the Madness: Don’t participate in any of her crazy antics. If she’s stalking or texting you, tell your boyfriend and have him handle it. Unfortunately, situations like this can sometimes escalate into a physical altercation. You never want to stoop to her level. The only time you should engage is when you’re defending yourself.
- Communicate: If she seems open to it, suggest a face-to-face. Find out why she’s acting this way toward you. Is she jealous that you’re now dating her ex? Maybe she thinks you’re not mature enough to handle her child. Think about it. To her, you took her man, and now you’re moving in on her child. Sit her down and explain that you are not trying to replace her. However, you will take good care of her child. Reassure her of your good intentions so she feels comfortable with you dealing with her child.
- Set Boundaries: Let’s say you’ve had a conversation with her to no avail. You’ve also maintained a level of respect she didn’t deserve. If all attempts have failed and she decided she’s not going to like you no matter what, limit your face-to-face time. For example, if your boyfriend has a set schedule to see his child, let him pick them up alone. Also, if he has a schedule, make sure he sticks to it. This eliminates any other ammunition for his ex to use against you. Additionally, there is no reason you’d have to speak to her alone, so continue making your boyfriend the go-between. Also, this goes without saying, never under any circumstances let your ill feelings about the mother determine how you treat the child.
Stay Positive
When meeting your boyfriend’s ex, try your best to remain reassuring and positive. I know this doesn’t sound easy, especially if she’s side-eyeing you, but rise above that.
It’s not uncommon for your boyfriend’s ex to have lingering emotions. Unfortunately, those remaining emotions include the “You hurt my feelings” sentiment, or they are more of a “You’re an a-hole” vibe.
Whatever the tension is (if there is any) between them, that doesn’t have anything to do with you. So please don’t make it your fight.
7 Signs to Tell if She’s Jealous of You
Relationships don’t always work out. That’s a fact of life. But it seems like she is trying to butt into your new relationship with her ex. Could she be jealous? Here are a few signs.
- Your boyfriend tells you his ex is always talking about you in a mean-spirited manner.
- She tries to be your friend. This is a way to get to know more about you and what’s going on in your relationship.
- She stalks you and seems to always be where you are, even when your boyfriend isn’t there.
- She talks to you condescendingly. She may do this because she views you as better or prettier, so she attempts to demean you with words.
- She can’t wait to tell you something your boyfriend may have commented on to let you know they still keep in touch.
- She’s possessive of him. She may constantly call or text him. She also brings up all the past great times they had together. In other words, she talks about him when you weren’t in the picture.
- She flirts in your face because she wants to get a reaction from you. Another reason is that she wants you and your boyfriend to argue over her.
Show Some Empathy
When you first meet, she may seem standoffish or disinterested in you. However, you must understand that your boyfriend’s ex was once in your shoes. At one point, they had a deep love for each and created a baby together. It’s possible she has accepted the breakup but is still hurt.
Maybe she believed they would eventually get married and be one big happy family, and now that’s not going to happen, so she harbors feelings of resentment and sadness.
Try not to take what she says and does personally. Give her the benefit of the doubt and allow her time to grieve her past relationship. You don’t want to start on the wrong foot because she will be a part of her ex’s life forever, and this is a fact you must accept if you want to be in the picture.
In Conclusion
Single-parent households are increasingly becoming the norm. So, the chances of dating a single guy without children are slim for a woman searching for love. Throw away the preconceived notions that all baby mamas come with drama. Instead, keep an open mind. First, meet her and then assess for yourself.
It may take more than one encounter to decide how this situation will progress. However, when meeting the mother of your boyfriend’s ex, show respect. If not for your sake, then for the child or even for the sake of your new relationship. In the end, it will make everything much more manageable. Good luck and happy dating!