It’s not always easy to know if the guy you’re dating is the right one for you or whether it’s time to dump him.
Of course, you have the in-your-face telltale signs like cheating, but not all indications are that cut and dry. So, if you’re wondering whether he is your mate for life or just another dude who didn’t quite make the cut, check out these tips to determine if your man is a keeper, or if you’ll be back on the dating app in no time.
1. He No Longer Appreciates You
At the beginning of the relationship, he did everything for you. You didn’t need him to open the door, but he did. You couldn’t care less if he fixed your breakfast, be he did. And when it came to sex, oooh la la. You definitely had no complaints in that area.
However, the honeymoon phase eventually ended, and what you were left with was less than impressive. But, of course, you were a couple for a long time, so you didn’t expect all those things to continue–except the mind-blowing sex.
Instead, you didn’t expect him to do a complete one-eighty. But, unfortunately, when you told him, he totally blew you off.
You’re not asking for the world. You’re just asking him to continue making an effort. But, unfortunately, when the bare minimum flies out the window, so does your relationship.
2. He Doesn’t Compromise
It went from, “Yes, baby, whatever you want!” to “Okay, let’s decide together,” and ended with, “This is what we’re gonna do!“
Somewhere in there, he loses interest in finding a middle ground and gets upset when you make suggestions. Relationships are all about compromising with one another, and sometimes you’ll need to make sacrifices for the greater good. The problem comes in when you’re doing most, if not all, of the giving, and he’s doing the taking. When this happens, it’s a sure sign to dump him.
You must say something as soon as possible when you notice this happening. People only treat you as you allow them to, so make sure his my-way-or-the-highway mentality doesn’t become a habit. The longer it goes on, the harder it will be to break him out of it.
The relationship has a fighting chance when he listens and addresses your concerns. He may not have even realized he was doing it. However, if his attitude remains the same, it’s time to show him the door because he doesn’t care.
3. He’s a Jerk
I’m not even going to sugarcoat this one. You knew your guy was a prick when you met him. So don’t play coy now when he still finds it hilarious to pull out someone’s chair as they go to sit down. It was funny then, but not so much two years into your relationship.
There’s a difference between being young at heart and being immature. Is he the type that wants to play video games all day and watch TV all night? Does he always talk shit about your friends?
There comes a time when you have to grow up. So if he’s still acting childish, send his ass home to Mommy and dump him!
4. They Refuse to Make a Commitment
After two months of dating, it’s understandable that he may not want to commit fully. However, if, after three years and he’s still on the fence? Buh-bye….dump him!
Whether it’s marriage that you want or just the girlfriend title, if you’re ready and he’s not, it’s clear that you are moving in separate directions and want different things.
Having two very different goals can significantly strain a relationship and leave you wondering if it’s even worth it.
When Your Partner Loves You but Doesn’t Want to Commit
You love each other and have been together for a while. However, they won’t commit to you. When you bring up the C-word, they tell you, “Let’s give it some more time.”
How much time is too much? After all, you don’t want to waste your “good years” on someone just to have them toss you aside and find somebody new. In the meantime, you’re left in the dust to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. No, thank you….dump him!
Commitment Phobia – What Is It?
Commitment phobia is the inability to keep promises to others and is mainly associated with intimate relationships. Another definition is one partner refusing to be tied down.
While you won’t find the term in clinical psychology books, it is often used in therapy sessions by frustrated partners and those who cannot settle into a relationship.
Those who can’t commit typically have significant anxiety toward relationships. They want intimacy but have difficulties handling intense feelings due to abandonment, abuse, or infidelity.
Regardless of the reason for your partner’s inability to commit, you still need to decide how that behavior affects you and your future.
Check Your Significant Other’s Avoidance Issues with the Following Questions:
- Do they meaningfully say, “I love you”?
- Have they previously committed themselves to another relationship?
- Are you introduced to others as a girlfriend or boyfriend (or just a friend)?
- Do they constantly answer “maybe” rather than give a yes or no to invites from friends?
- Do they show attention and care to your (within reason) wants and needs?
Take notice if your significant other struggles with these basic concepts. It may be a pattern. Even with effort, they may find these habits difficult to break.
What Should You Do?
Dealing with commitment phobia can be tricky because you may damage the relationship beyond repair. However, it’s a risk worth taking if you want your needs met in the relationship. Here are a few tips when dealing with a person with commitment issues.
- Make sure your commitment is reasonable: What do you want? A ring? Marriage? A title? Ask yourself if your desire is fair.
- Set a timeline and stick to it: Don’t use the timeline as an ultimatum. Instead, say what you want and get on with life. This way, they know exactly what you want, and you give them the space needed to decide whether or not they agree.
- Discuss why your partner won’t commit: Have an honest conversation about why they’re afraid to commit. Are there past wounds they need to address? If so, cut them some slack. You are not responsible for their issues. Still, understanding why makes their reasons more valid.
5. You’re No Longer Intimate
Sex is a vital part of a relationship, so if he’s lacking in that department, chances are your relationship is suffering. When a couple’s sex life has dried up, it can leave one or both parties feeling insecure and unattractive.
If it’s what you both want, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a booty call. However, if you prefer to spend more time with your clothes on, consider whether this is the right relationship.
Another reason you and your partner are no longer intimate could be because he’s cheating. If that’s the case, that’s even more reason to pack his bags, dump him and send him on his merry way.
You Don’t Trust Him
When it comes to healthy relationships, trust is a fundamental factor. If you don’t have that, you’re in for one bumpy rollercoaster ride.
You suspect him of cheating, so you check his phone or contact his friends to find out if he’s telling the truth. At this stage, it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship.
Obviously, there’s a reason you doubt him, so figure out if this is the type of relationship you want. If you don’t, walk out the door, close it behind you, and don’t look back.
What to Do if You Suspect Your Partner Is Cheating
You never go into a relationship thinking your partner will cheat on you. But it happens. If you caught your partner in 4K, you have proof. However, many times you only suspect they’re fooling around. Here’s what you should know if your infidelity sensors are kicking into overdrive
Seek Assistance from Family and Friends
Search within your inner circle and call on those trusted people that are supportive and willing to offer needed advice, whether or not you want to hear it.
Sometimes, telling someone else about our situation can help put it into perspective. Your friends will call you out when you’re being ridiculous, but they’ll also be there to back you up with valid points. When your trusted family and friends know about your situation, they can help pick you up if it goes south.
Create a Pros and Cons List
Don’t make hasty judgments if you only suspect. It may seem trivial, but creating a pros and cons list helps you face the situation head-on.
Plus, sometimes it’s good to put your suspicions in writing because that’s when you realize they’re either valid or utterly ridiculous.
Check Your List for Red Flags
You created the list. Now check it twice. When you take a look at your past relationships, it can help give you clarity about your current relationship. For example, are there things on your pros and cons list that you’ve dealt with in the past? If so, keep a watchful eye on the situation.
Talk to Your Partner
There may never be a perfect time to confront your partner about possible infidelity, but in this case, you should pull them aside and let them know you want to talk. The longer you wait, the better the chances you’ll sidestep the issue and allow the relationship to continue as it has been.
When you have the conversations, make sure you’re in a supportive and safe environment. Think of a place where you both feel comfortable communicating.
For example, it could be a busy place, so your partner is less likely to have an outburst. On the other hand, it could be someplace quiet, so you can have privacy and focus better.
6. It’s Only a Physical Thing
He may make you feel great during sex, but when he only calls you at three o’clock in the morning, face it, you’re a booty call.
If it’s what you both want, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a booty call. However, if you prefer to spend more time with your clothes on, consider whether this is the right relationship.
Unfortunately, relationships that begin as just sex and nothing else often remain in that category unless one person speaks up. If you’re no longer satisfied (with the relationship, not the sex part), then communicate your feelings to him.
However, be careful when relaying your feelings because you may lose your FWB status when you speak up.
7. You Hang in Different Crowds
If you’re more of an introvert and he hangs out with people who regularly dabble in “party favors,” you may not mix well with each other.
Sure, opposites are attracted initially, but at some point, you need to have something in common to sustain a long-term relationship. Start questioning if this is the type of person you want to bring around your friends and family. If not, consider moving on.
Is It Time to Dump Him?
At some point in most relationships, you will have to seriously ask yourself whether it’s time to move on or if the relationship is worth saving.
It’s difficult to hurt someone you care about, but you’ll need to put your needs first to figure out if it’s time to say, “Thank you, NEXT!”
