Let’s start by setting up the scene. So, you’ve checked out a hottie from across the room, and you think, “Wow! She might be the one.” You have a feeling in your gut that this is love. So, what should you do about it? For starters, showing you’re interested is good. But you’re not exactly sure how to flirt with being a creep.
Guys tend to stress out about appearing creepy when they flirt. It’s one thing to show you’re into her, but it’s another to come on too strong and give off a stalker vibe. So if you want to show her you’re checking her out, here are some quick tips to help you nail it.
Definite Signs of Flirting
Before you even get into the game, you must first understand the rules. You might think that flirting comes naturally to most people, but that’s not true. The reality is that most people—men and women—find it challenging to understand the subtle art of flirting.
Over the last decade, the way people flirt has changed. Remember your grandparents’ old black-and-white movies where the beautiful lead would let her male costar know she was interested by dropping her handkerchief in front of him? Gentlemen used to write notes to their objects of affection, eagerly awaiting her response.
Today, we’re more reliant than ever on tablets, smartphones, and laptops, so our communication has also changed. For example, instead of waiting for a lady to drop a handkerchief in front of them, modern guys are likelier to send a quick email than to write a heartfelt letter to their sweetheart.
Because of this, some people don’t know how to recognize flirting signals in real life. That’s why we’re here. We’ll give tips on identifying whether or not she’s into you.
Casual, Open Body Language
Never underestimate the power of nonverbal communication because if you do, you could be missing out. When someone’s body language is closed off, they try to blend into the background. For example, folded arms across the chest are closed body language, indicating I’m not interested.
If you encounter a woman with closed body language when you talk to her, she doesn’t want to interact with you. So instead, make for the nearest exit because she’s not interested.
However, it’s a good sign if they stand in front of you with open body language. Good examples of body language that says they’re interested and available include:
- open arms
- shoulders back
- forward-facing
If she’s standing in front of you with this type of body language, she’s letting you know she’s available. So, if you are interested in her, you should stand the same way.
Humor
Aside from looks, a good sense of humor is one of the first things people look for in a partner. One sign she’s interested is if she cracks jokes. If you’re intrigued by her, whether or not they’re funny, you need to laugh like you’ve just heard the wittiest thing ever! She may be attempting to let you know she finds you engaging.
Having a shared sense of humor is vital in building a relationship. It’s one of the best ways to feel the person out to see if you click. So if you find the same things hilarious, you should scoop her up and marry her immediately. Or, at least, ask for her phone number—your choice.
Appropriate Places to Flirt
There is a proper time and place to flirt. According to the Social Issues Research Center (SIRC), when and where you flirt is as crucial as how you flirt. Below are some socially acceptable places where you get into a little flirting.
- Drinking places (bars, pubs, clubs)
- Parties
- Sport/spectator events
- Hobby Clubs
With sports and hobby clubs, you have a distinct advantage. Because you and the other person are attending the same place, it signifies that you already have a common interest. This also means that you might be compatible in other ways and get along well.
Places to Avoid Flirting
Sure, you’re going to run into people you find attractive everywhere, but just as there are appropriate places to ‘get your mack on,’ there are also spots you should avoid. So here are a few locations when it’s a big NO to flirt.
- Hospitals in a serious situation
- Public transporation
- Work meetings
- Funerals
- During service at church (after service is a judgement call)
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. For example, you may meet someone attractive on the subway and make a connection, but use your judgment. Strangers and public transportation don’t always go nicely together. The same goes for business meetings. Colleagues may not take you seriously if you flirt with a client across the table.
Attention
When you’re attracted to someone, the first thing you do is pay them attention, right? Whether or not you’re conscious of it, this is everyone’s first instinct. You see her and notice her, so you’re giving her attention. And if she gives it back, it’s a good sign that she’s interested in you and wants you to make a move.
Touch
Need help figuring out whether or not she’s interested in you? A sure sign is if she touched you in some manner. Not in the creepy, pokey way, but with a gentle tap on your wrist as she tells a story. Studies indicate that touch creates a positive response in a person. However, the contact must be made in a “safe place,” like the arm or shoulder.
As previously stated, any type of contact must be appropriate. But, of course, as a guy, you’ll need to make sure the touching is suitable and done in a non-threatening way. So, sticking to the arm is an excellent start.
Closeness
People are naturally drawn to each other in the literal and figurative sense. When you think another person is attractive, instinctively, you move closer to them as they speak or even cross the room so that you can be next to them.
If you want to know if she’s flirting with you, pay attention to where she stands when talking to you individually or in a group. If it looks like she’s always making a beeline to stand next to you, she may have a conscious (or even subconscious) attraction to you. When this happens, the ball’s in your court, so what will you do? One option is to return the favor. Make a subtle move and stand near her.
How to Flirt Online
Flirting isn’t only in person. Online flirting is simple yet effective, and guess what? You don’t have to be face-to-face, so they can’t see the beads of sweat running down your forehead. Flirting is harmless if you keep it engaging, funny, and light. But, if done improperly, it can be creepy. But, again, this goes for in-person and online.
If you initiate a conversation on a dating app, you’ll want to sound casual but also interested. The odds of your success with online flirting depend primarily on when to ask her out on a date and when to suggest ye olde Netflix and Chill. If it’s too soon, you run the risk of being ghosted.
Think of online flirting as straddling a fence. On the one side, you can drop a sexual innuendo or two. On the other side, you should keep the conversation “appropriate.” Of course, this all depends on how you read the room. If you want to be successful at online flirting, here are a few surefire tips.
- Start by Saying “Hello” and Not “Hey” – This is the quickest way to turn off someone who is interested. Even in text, a “hey” sounds like someone talking to their buddy, not someone they’re trying to get to know romantically.
- Have Clear Intentions – You may just want to hook up, and that’s fine. But if that’s the case, say so. On the other hand, don’t pretend you want a serious relationship if you don’t. That will only cause issues further down the line.
At the same time, be sure of their intent. Are they looking for a fling, or do they want something more meaningful? Knowing sooner than later will save you possible heartache. - Talk about Something They Mention in Their Profile – Does your point of interest like dogs? If so, comment with a puppy emoji. Someone who loves pets will appreciate it. Mention a hobby they stated in their profile. Doing so will let them know you took the time to read their information and not just look at their pics.
- Compliment Them – Be honest and compliment them about something you saw in their profile. However, don’t go overboard, and don’t just compliment their physical appearance.
For example, if they enjoy gardening, tell them the dandelions in their profile picture look great. You want to let them know you admire more than just their physicality.
Eye Contact
Eye contact is the numero uno way that people flirt with someone. Think about it, when you spot her across the room, you have to literally see her. And if you like what you see, you attempt eye contact. So catching someone’s eye is the best way to flirt.
But how do you know if they’re being polite and friendly or if they’re truly flirting with you? Good question! And the answer is simple.
When someone is flirting, it’s not just a look. It’s more about the gazes or the glances that happen frequently and last longer than usual. For example, if you’re talking to someone, notice the type of eye contact they’re using. If it appears intense or flirtatious (ex, batting of lashes), it’s likely because they can’t help looking at you and want you to notice them.
7 Tips on How to Flirt without Appearing Creepy
Eye contact is the numero uno way that people flirt with someone. Think about it, when you spot her across the room, you have to literally see her. And if you like what you see, you attempt eye contact. So catching someone’s eye is the best way to flirt.
But how do you know if they’re being polite and friendly or if they’re truly flirting with you? Good question! And the answer is simple.
When someone is flirting, it’s not just a look. It’s more about the gazes or the glances that happen frequently and last longer than usual. For example, if you’re talking to someone, notice the type of eye contact they’re using. If it appears intense or flirtatious (ex, batting of lashes), it’s likely because they can’t help looking at you and want you to notice them.
1). Don’t Dive in Head First
Before you start your entire cat-and-mouse flirting game, test the waters. There are three fundamental reasons you shouldn’t flirt with someone who exhibits NO INTEREST in you.
- It wastes your time because it’s doubtful you’ll win them over
- You may end up annoying them and/or crossing the line regarding social boundaries
- It’s just plain embarrassing for you
Before you dive in head first:
- Dip your big toe in the water to test the temperature (AKA seeing if she’s even interested)
- Check for some of the previously discussed signs. This will let you know if they show signs of being intrigued by you. If it’s a no, keep it moving.
2). Don’t Over-Flirt
A big mistake people make is coming on too strong. If done incorrectly, flirting with someone may appear needy and desperate, which are not attractive qualities in someone.
Flirting is like a game. You should flirt a little, pull back and wait, and then offer a bit more only if the other person is into it.
However, if the other person isn’t responding, you’re essentially playing with yourself (pun intended). Seriously, though, if you notice they are looking away, the game is over.
3). Get on the Same Page with the Other Person
If you’re feeling particularly flirty today, one of the best methods to show them you’re interested is to sync up with their stances and body language.
Synchronization is a flirting technique that’s highly effective, according to the SIRC guide. Most times, people get in synch naturally after they reach a comfortable point or when they’re attracted to each other. However, if not organically in sync, use the fake-it-til-you-make-it-method.
If the interaction isn’t going as well as you’d prefer, begin mimicking the other person. It can help get things back on track to create a sense of compatibility.
4). No Cringey One-Liners, Please!
Note: God-awful one-liners are also high on the list of don’ts.
You: Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Her: No, why?
You: Because I can see myself in your pants!
Did you feel the collective sigh that shifted the entire universe? No one enjoys one-liners, especially ones with sexual connotations. It’s creepy and unattractive, and if, by chance, you’re just so hot that she overlooks the cringe and gives you an opportunity, she will forever crack jokes with her family about you and your cheesy pickup. Do you want that as your legacy? Then, for god sake, think about your possible children!
According to a recent relationship study, neither men nor women like pickup lines. Instead, you’re more likely to attract someone’s interest by striking up a genuine conversation or asking them questions about their interests or what they enjoy spending time doing. To get them interested, the best thing to do is to keep things simple.
5). Watch Out for Non-verbal Cues
If you’re unsure when to talk, wait for organic breaks in the conversation. When people speak, they pause now and then. These are the moments it’s safe to jump in and offer your opinion.
But, whatever you do, avoid speaking over the person or attempting to hijack the conversation by cutting them off or changing the subject. Mom is right–Politeness is the key and will take you far.
7 Steps to Being a Better Listener
We may have a lot we want to say, but being a good listener is just as important. Unfortunately, active listening is a lost art. But we can get it back. Here are 7 simple ways to be a better listener.
- Create a comfortable conversation setting: Offer them an opportunity to open up and talk. Invite them for a drink or for a private conversation at your home. The goal is to make them feel relaxed.
- Be OK with pauses: If they pause to gather their thoughts before continuing, don’t use this as the opportunity to jump in. So often, we feel uncomfortable with silence, so we attempt to fill in the gap with chatter. For them to say what they need to, they will likely hesitate here and there to gather their thoughts, and that’s OK. They’ll continue when ready.
- Talk less but listen more: Let them say what they need to, and only offer your opinion if asked. Don’t let your mind wander or be distracted. Instead, focus on them and listen to what they’re sharing. Also, be willing to engage.
- Ask valid questions: If someone is sharing something difficult, ask questions that offer some assistance, and show that you were listening. Sometimes it’s challenging to discuss specific topics, but asking questions can help validate what they’re saying.
- Don’t stress about what to say: A lot of times, we assume difficult conversations need a solution right away, and we have one shot at getting it right. If we don’t, we feel like something terrible can happen. That’s not the case; it only causes people to stress about what to say. They’ll always be another opportunity to correct what you say or add something you forgot.
- Validation goes a long way: Opening up to someone else is difficult. It takes a lot to show vulnerability. However, acknowledging another person’s vulnerability opens the door for future discussions. Every so often, ask them, “How are you?” or “Did you ever solve that issue?” A check-in demonstrates you care and that they can come to you if they need you.
- Be wary of sharing personal experience: While sharing your experience can be helpful sometimes, it’s important not to offer solutions. Just because it worked for you doesn’t mean it will work for them. So, don’t suggest how someone else should “fix” their problems. If they ask for your opinion, feel free to give it. But hold back if they don’t. Otherwise, it can seem opinionated and judgmental.
6). Stop Hogging the Conversation!
This should be a “gimme,” but you might be surprised at how much people like to talk about themselves. Sometimes we do it because we feel a bit nervous, but other times it’s a case of loving the sound of our own voice and wanting to grace the rest of the world with it.
Very few things are as unattractive as being a conversation hog when attempting to get to know someone. Flirting is about showing interest in someone else–not about selling yourself by bragging about how wonderful you are.
When you find yourself yapping non-stop, take a deep breath. Then, ask them a question–but don’t cut them off. Be sure to allow them to speak before going in again.
The rules are relatively simple; make your part of the conversation equal to that of the person you’re speaking with. So, when you start talking, take a pause. This allows them to speak for approximately the same amount of time as you.
Of course, it doesn’t need to be exact, but be aware of when you’re running on. Again, this allows them to engage and participate in the discussion.
7). Use the Power of the Compliment
People love hearing compliments, so why not use that to your advantage? However, some over-the-top compliments can quickly backfire, especially if they’re too personal.
So, how should you tell someone you appreciate them without it sounding like a total creepfest? Luckily, you can use a formula to let them know how much you admire them.
Did you know that most convincing compliments share a similar trait? In complimentary phrases, the word “you” appears approximately 25%-27% of the time, while the word “nice” appears about 75% of the time.
For instance, you may say something like, “You like really nice today” or “You look so pretty when you smile.” These phrases aren’t suggestive but show them that you are interested.
Key Takeaways
So, is there a right way to flirt? Absolutely! But don’t stress if flirting doesn’t come naturally to you. It’s an art and something you can learn.
As long as you don’t cross the line or ignore social signs, you’ll have no problem. But if you prefer to avoid it altogether, there are other options.
But, now that you finally get the basic flirting signals, you will never be caught off guard and miss out on a phone number and, subsequently, a date with your potential true love.