How to Breakthrough with a Shy Girl and Make Her Feel Comfortable

Shy Woman at Sunset

Building a relationship with any girl can be hard work, but it can be even more difficult when you are dealing with a girl who is shy. We are going to share some of our best tips for building relationships with shy ladies with the goal of making them feel comfortable around you and being able to trust you wholeheartedly.

Something fundamental to know before we dive in is that shyness is not synonymous with low self-esteem or introversion. It is important to never assume these two things about a girl who is shy. Just know that it is going to be a while before she opens up to you completely, so be patient and enjoy the journey!

What Is the Difference between Being Introverted and Being Shy?

Before we get into our best tips for building a relationship with a girl who is shy, it is essential to address the difference between being introverted and being shy. They are not one and the same. And the more that you can understand this difference and the nuances of shyness, the better you can begin building trust and a good, healthy relationship with a girl who is shy in nature.

What Is Introversion?

Introversion and extroversion are a matter of where a person draws their energy from. An extrovert is someone who gets energized by the company of others. For the introvert, it is the exact opposite. They feel the need to retreat from others and be alone in order to recharge.

What Is Shyness?

Shyness is defined as being reserved. People who are shy show timidity or nervousness when they are in the company of other people. Many shy people are introverted, getting recharged and energized by solitude and withdrawing from others.

But there are also people who are shy and also extroverted. Believe it or not, this is a thing (even if it seems contradictory). There are shy people who love being around their family and friends and get their energy from being in their presence. But they are still reserved and often let others do most of the talking.

So with these things in mind, let’s get into the best ways to build up trust and comfortability with a girl who is shy in hopes of fostering a healthy and quality relationship!

Be Patient

The best course of action for making a shy girl feel comfortable around you is to take your time in building the relationship and to be patient above all else along the way. And in many cases, you really have no choice. It naturally takes more time to fully know people who are shy because they tend not to share as much about themselves until they feel comfortable.

When building a relationship with a shy girl, just know that this is not a sprint. It is a marathon. You need to be patient and operate in a way where the girl feels more and more comfortable every step of the way as you build something with them. It might take a while for her to open up entirely to you, but if you are patient and put in the time, it will happen as long as the attraction is there.

Begin with Texting or Online Messaging before Meeting Up

First dates can be intimidating, especially for shy girls! Something that can go a long way toward setting them at ease as they meet you for the first time is to talk a little bit via texting or online messaging ahead of time.

When she is talking with you from home or wherever she might be, she is probably already in her comfort zone and speaking to you from a place where she is not feeling anxiety or apprehension. She is not having to talk with you for the first time face to face, and this could mean a better quality conversation with you!

A shy girl who has talked with you before the first date can enter the date with her guard down a bit more, and she will be more willing to share more of who she is with you.

Take It upon Yourself to Plan Any Dates

If you are interested in getting to know a shy girl and making her feel comfortable around you, we advise that you do the planning for any sort of dates that occur in the early stages of the relationship. People who are shy tend to be open to the suggestions of others versus pushing what they would prefer to do.

People Using Dating App

Some people who are shy might feel flustered or put on the spot to come up with an idea for a date. And they might not want to make the decision in the first place! On top of going on a date (and all the potential anxiety or nervousness that could come with that), planning out the date themselves could lead to a lot of extra stress for them. And why would you want her to feel stressed when the whole point is to make her feel comfortable around you?

The best course of action to make a shy girl feel comfortable around you is to plan out the date and take care of everything yourself.

Open-Ended Questions

Shy girls tend not to be as talkative as most. It might take some work to get a good conversation going with them. It is imperative not to waste your time with small chit-chat or questions that lead nowhere. Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no. Instead, ask good open-ended questions that will stimulate a good conversation!

This is where information from their online dating profile or their social media accounts can come in handy. For you to be asking the good questions that allow you to learn more about her, you can base questions around what she has already shared about herself online or even through what you know about her from other people.

Plus, a good open-ended question that is based on something she has shared about herself online will show her that you have taken the time to get to know a little bit about her before the first meetup or your first conversation. That can go a long way with her!

Avoid Getting Together with Groups

With a shy girl, it is already going to be a challenge getting her to feel comfortable around just you, so why would a group setting make the process any easier? As much as you can, avoid doing things with a group of friends or your family. People who are shy tend to open up and show who they really are in a smaller, more intimate setting.

You will not be setting up for success by getting this girl to feel comfortable around you if you are always inviting your friends to tag along or do things with the two of you. Instead of heading to the beach for the afternoon with a large group, opt instead for a long walk (just the two of you) in the park or go for lunch in a quiet, uncrowded place where you can really take the time to learn more about one another.

Allow Her Space to Breathe (If She Is Introverted)

As we mentioned earlier, many girls who are shy are naturally introverted. This means that they get recharged by spending time by themselves, away from other people. If you want a girl who is shy to feel comfortable around you, you will want to allow her some time and space to be alone, breathe and regain her energy.

With introverts, being able to withdraw and be alone is a deep-seated need. The sooner that you recognize this need within her affirm it, and allow her the space to meet the need, the more successful you are going to be in winning her trust and making her feel comfortable around you!

Do not constantly bombard her with texts and phone calls when the two of you are not together. Even as the relationship gets more serious and you begin spending more time with one another, we would advise not cramming your schedules with constant activity each and every day. Give your girl some time to breathe and be by herself.

Don’t Draw Attention to Her Shyness

Girls who are shy typically know that they are shy. Shyness is something that is really easy to spot in other people, and it is usually something that is easy to spot within yourself. Girls do not need someone, especially a guy that they like, pointing out the fact that they are shy. It really goes without saying.

If you are a guy who likes or is interested in a girl who is shy, do yourself a favor and do not draw any attention to the fact that she is shy! It is only going to cause her to feel self-conscious. Shyness is something that can hinder relationships with other people, so the fact that you could be pointing that out within her in the midst of forming a relationship with her could make those words sting a little more than usual.

Take It Easy on the Compliments

Girls who are shy sometimes do not know how to react when they are complimented by a guy they like. Until you get deeper into the relationship and your girl begins to trust you more and more, we would say to take it easy with the compliments. We are not saying to never compliment her, but you should definitely pump the breaks on any sort of lavish flattery or praise.

Oftentimes, too many compliments can make a shy girl feel uncomfortable or not know how to react.

There are some shy girls who might even feel uneasy with any sort of compliments, period. That is why it is important to take it easy with compliments until you get to know your girl better. In order to make her feel at ease, you should definitely avoid excessive praise, compliments, or flattery that might make her feel uncomfortable.

Never Assume She Has Low Self-Esteem

We alluded to this point earlier on. There are a lot of shy girls who are perfectly fine with the fact that they are shy, and it has no bearing on their own self-worth or their belief in their abilities. Never, ever assume that your girl has low self-esteem just because she is shy. There is a lot of nuance with shy girls, as we covered earlier, before getting into our major points.

However, there are also shy girls who do have low self-esteem. The important thing is to never assume either way until you get some time to know her better and find out what makes her tick.

This all goes to reinforce one of our major points about girls who are shy: it is going to be a longer process than with most people to get her to trust you and be comfortable around you. Be patient and take your time building the relationship!

Open Body Language

One of the best ways to make a shy girl comfortable around you is to use body language that will invite her your way! Open body language is going to make you come across as friendly and approachable. This includes keeping your arms uncrossed, making good eye contact, or positioning your feet in her direction.

You want to have open body language with your girl, but you can also come across as too aggressive in your friendliness if you are not careful. And this can turn a lot of shy girls away. You do not want to make such aggressive eye contact that the girl feels overwhelmed.

You also do not want to make the mistake of being too touchy early on. This will come with time and trust, but if you try to include it in your open body language strategy in the early stages of relationship building, it could really jeopardize your chances of success.

Mirror Her

Mirroring is the act of mimicking the body language, gestures, or speech of another person when you are interested in them. Mirroring can be done purposely, or it can happen involuntarily at times. Mirroring is something that can happen naturally when we are around people that we like, admire, or are interested in romantically.

If you are interested in a girl who is shy and the attraction is there for both of you, you might find yourselves mimicking each other’s actions or gestures, be it purposely or involuntarily.

If you ever do have a chance to purposely mirror your girl, go for it!

If she knows anything about mirroring, she will take this as a sign that you like her and are attracted to her. This way, she does not have to wonder! And not having to wonder can be a great way to put her at ease and make her feel more comfortable around you.

Matt Marino
Matt Marino

Matt Marino is an online content writer for, specializing in trending blogs and dating app reviews. He is a graduate of Geneva College with a Bachelor of the Arts in Communications.