Farmer Wants a Wife: ‘Tears, Tantrums and Tailgates’- Episode 5 Breakdown

Farmer Wants a Wife - Farmer Looking at the Horizon

On Farmer Wants a Wife, the women competing to be a farmer’s wife have been relatively drama-free compared to those of other dating reality shows–in other words, it’s been boring as all heck.

I’m hoping that in the latest episode, entitled ‘Tears, Tantrums, and Tailgates,’ something happens. Anything. We are at the halfway point in the series, and the only physical contact to occur has been Ryan kissing two of his women. I mean REALLY kissing, not those chaste little pecks the three other men have been doling out after the women practically beg them.

And I don’t need to see physical intimacy for the show to be exciting, although it certainly wouldn’t hurt. But the women need to receive it, and not because they’re horned-up city ladies looking to dry hump on a hay bale. No, they need it because it’s vital in any healthy, happy, romantic relationship

There are research studies, which we’ll get into later. Besides the scientific stats about physical intimacy being necessary, it also lets the ladies know if the farmers are into them. Is there chemistry? How will they know? A cowboy hat tip can only tell you so much. Is he being polite, or is it a signal for a tryst behind the woodshed? See how this works? It’s super important to show someone you are interested—we are by no means saying the men should be copping a feel every five minutes, but they should def be doing more than they are.

Farmer Wants a Wife Episode 5 Recap

Rebecca and Allen kick it off at his horse pen, and *shocker* she’s a horse trainer, so they have a decent conversation while petting the fillies.

One of Allen’s ladies, Kiersten, sits on an Adirondack chair and is looking forlornly out at the fields and complaining she is the only one who hasn’t spent time with Allen alone. It’s been THREE WEEKS. Send the poor girl home, Allen. It’s awkward as heck.

Oooh, Ryan’s mom Betty is coming out to his farm, and this should be good! Moms always tell it like it is. They’re all introduced, and Betty is looking them up and down, as she should. She thinks her son doing this show is “silly,” and she thinks five women are way too many and that one is stressful enough.

She wants a grandbaby and interrogates the women—but all she wants is for him to be happy. She tells him she likes Lily, but she really likes Sarah with an h.

Moms has a favorite! Ryan seems like he’s on the same page, and Sarah looks like the front-runner on this farmstead.

Over at Hunter’s homestead, the women are working, and Devonne (who I do not recall ever seeing before this episode) is feeling insecure. I don’t blame her because if I haven’t noticed you, chances are pretty good Hunter is not digging you.

And finally, Landon takes his ladies to town. No, not that way (I wish). His strongest connections are with Kylie and Zoe, and they all sit awkwardly at a picnic table. No idea why they went to town because there was no shopping, and I’m pretty sure Landon has plenty of picnic tables on his farm.

The Outing

For this week’s Farmer Wants a Wife outing, the farmers and their potential partners go to South Carolina to see a demolition derby and meet up at the derby tailgate, where one of the ladies admits that she smooched her farmer before any of the other women.

Host Jennifer Nettles welcomes the group and reminds them that there will be picks for solo dates at the end of the night. The farmers catch up, and so do the women.

We get a little drama when the women are fishing for info, and the claws come out. Ok, not totally out, but the claws weren’t fully retracted as usual.

Cassidy Jo admits that she and Allen kissed, and the other girls get pissed off. At this point, I’m yelling at my TV for them to calm down because she basically pled for the smooch, and there was no tongue to be seen. But she doesn’t tell them that, and they are big mad she kept it a secret. They walk away and talk some shit, but Cassidy Jo follows. And that’s about as interesting as the drama gets, but it’s something! I’ll take it.

They’re all unclear on where they stand with their farmers, and duhhh, it’s because there is no physical contact. They have no clarity, and I have no idea why they have not run screaming back to their regular lives.

Jennifer Nettles tells the men there is a difference between being “welcomed” and “wanted.” She tells them to “step up” and amen. The women are making stronger connections with each other, for ffs!

They watch the demolition derby and vie for the all-important solo date. Khelsi is confused about Allen kissing Cassidy Jo and pulls him aside—he kissed CJ after Khelsi’s solo date, and she is hurt. She tells him why she’s upset, and he narcs on CJ!! We love an honest man. He tells her that not everything is as it seems. He tells her he feels strongly about her, and he kisses her! No tongue, but thank you, Allen.

CJ stomps away and cries, but she brought that on herself, IMO.

Haley freaks out to a producer and says she’s done if Ryan doesn’t want her there. The producer pushes her to talk to him and “reconnect,” and boy do they—full-on makeout, and he cops a feel (just her waist, but it’s a show of affection, and that’s a two-step in the right direction!

What does this teach us? Throw a tantrum, and you get a smooch! Well played, Haley.

  • Ryan chooses Sarah with an h (no surprise there), and off they go.
  • Hunter invites Meghan (poor Devonne), and they head off.
  • Landon picks Ashley L., and they head out.

Allen pulls Kiersten aside and tells her that he doesn’t feel like they have a great connection and sends her home. She cries, but girl, he is boring AF, and why are you crying? You barely know the man!!!

Kiersten walks off, and Allen picks Rebecca for the solo date, and they walk off while the other women fake looking happy for her.

So, what have we learned after this episode? That physical touch is essential to show your interest when pursuing a romantic partner.

While some of the farmers are physically intimate (I’m being very generous here–there have been a few kisses, and that’s it) with their prospective wives-to-be, others are lagging behind. We are talking snail’s pace, which is not a good sign regarding the beginning stages of a relationship.

And I’m not talking about sex either–these people are pretty much strangers. Physical intimacy comes in many forms and is important for many reasons, and we will tell you why!

Why Is Physical Intimacy Vital?

Would it come as a surprise to learn that there are positive effects on your health when you and your significant other hold hands while walking or hugging for no reason other than to hug?

Or, as you’re sitting next to him in his pickup truck, placing your hand on his leg or behind his neck? Do you know that just touching her shoulder or embracing her from behind as she applies her face in the bathroom mirror is good for her health and yours?

The same goes for watching a film or an episode of your favorite show while sitting next to one another on the couch, with your legs touching or draped over those of your partner.

Intimacy, defined as a sense of being known, accepted, and cared for by another person, has significantly impacted people’s mental, physical, and emotional wellness. Many things contribute to a couple’s sense of closeness and intimacy:

  • A partner’s receptiveness in conversation
  • An abundance of empathy
  • Sharing acts of kindness and generosity
  • Most importantly, the continual sensation of being physically touched

Touch has a powerful emotional impact, conveying feelings of acceptance and compassion. Touch also has an abundance of physiological advantages–the stress hormone cortisol was shown to be much lower in couples who engaged in more physical contact, such as handholding or embracing, than those who did not. Researchers think that decreased cortisol levels directly result from the pleasant emotions (happiness, relaxation, and alertness) brought on by touching.

Another study discovered that people’s physical discomfort (such as back/muscle soreness, headaches, sleeplessness, stomach pain, and rash/skin irritation) decreased when they engaged in more physical intimacy over the course of several days.

A different study showed that men with lower blood pressure were the ones who touched their wives the most and that frequent and repeated physical contact boosted oxytocin (a calming, well-being-promoting hormone) in both partners.

All relationships benefit from physical contact, but it may be more crucial in long-term partnerships when intimacy has lost its initial allure. Nonsexual physical contact, such as hugs, squeezes, handholding, and random touches, can effectively maintain the closeness that comes with romantic relationships.

Final Thoughts on ‘Farmer Wants a Wife’ Episode 5

Two of the farmers stepped up their physical intimacy game on the latest Farmer Wants a Wife episode, but most of the women are desperately confused about where they stand. Now, we know that a reality dating TV show isn’t the most organic way to start a relationship, but if these farmers really do want a wife, they need to show it.

Among the most vital components of intimate connections is the exchange of physical contact. At the end of a trying day, there is no better feeling than a warm, comforting embrace. Feelings of uneasiness could be calmed by having your favorite person stroke your back. By touching one another, we show affection, sympathy, and closeness, especially in romantic relationships!

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Molly Davis
Molly Davis

Molly is an East Coast writer who lives on West Coast time. She’s been in the journalism field for over 20 years — newspapers are her first love but she’s finding digital media to be just as fun and challenging as print! When she’s not giving therapist-quality dating advice, she’s curled up watching movies, reading, or volunteering at local dog shelters.