It’s easier than ever to meet a possible partner and, sadly, be rejected, thanks to online dating apps like Match, Tinder, and Hinge, as well as the traditional offline dating scene. Because it exposes our deepest anxieties, dating rejection may hurt more than any other kind of rejection.
Rejection from a job due to a lack of education, experience, or other prerequisites is less devastating than romantic rejection. Rejection from friends is painful, but it has nothing to do with one’s attractiveness or sexual appeal. Rejection in a romantic relationship can leave a person feeling humiliated, stupid, undesirable, unloved, inadequate, and unworthy. They’ll likely feel embarrassed, too.
Given that experiencing such emotions sounds about as appealing as getting into an ice bath, we will explore the most effective methods for dealing with dating rejection and getting to a tolerable temperature in the dating pool.
Online Dating Increases Rejection
A 2019 research study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that online dating has overtaken traditional forms of dating as the most popular method for people to find their partners. This includes over 60% of same-sex couples and 39% of heterosexual couples.
However, it has caused many people to experience dating rejection both online and offline because of how easy it is to choose prospective mates and swap (or swipe) out one for another.
As opposed to meeting potential partners at bars and clubs or via friends of friends, online dating apps allow individuals to meet many more potential partners in a brief amount of time. That far more people are paired up now than ever before seems like the obvious conclusion.
In reality, the reverse is true; there are now more single people than ever before. So, if online dating is so promising, why do many of the resulting relationships never pan out?
Another research study proposes the concept of a “rejection mentality,” where users’ negative outlook on finding a relationship is reinforced by their constant exposure to seemingly limitless prospective matches. It decreases the probability of meeting someone and, for women in particular, lowers dating satisfaction.
So, the challenge for singles is to overcome their fear of dating rejection so that they can increase their chances of meeting a perfect partner.
Ways of Dealing With Dating Rejection
Everybody experiences dating rejection at some point. Here are some steps to take after experiencing dating rejection, such as giving yourself time to heal or even seeing a professional if you feel you need to.
Online Dating Rejection isn’t Personal
Yes, it feels incredibly personal, but oftentimes it has nothing to do with you. The adage “It’s not you, it’s me” can be applied here. When people don’t match with you when they talk to you and then unmatch or “ghost” when you go out with a person, and the connection fizzles, and when this occurs over and over again, you could start blaming yourself for the unsuccessful encounters.
You could assume that it’s because you’re dull, unattractive, dumb, or some other absurd measure in the “less than” category. Your outlook shifts to one of a rejection mindset as a response. And that is normal–you have feelings, and being rejected stings. But it’s imperative to keep in mind that a person’s online dating profile may not give you the whole picture of who they are or what they’re going through in IRL.
Perhaps the ghoster didn’t want to commit to a relationship with you, and that’s why they ditched you. It’s also possible that an old flame has reappeared. Or maybe something occurred in their personal lives, like a parent’s illness, that made them stop dating for a while. Don’t take it personally; there are many possible explanations. In most cases, it is definitely not you.
Realize That When You Use Dating Apps, You Reject Others
You aren’t alone in your quest to find love; others are doing the exact same thing. In other words, if you’re looking at profiles and decide to swipe left, it means you don’t like that individual. Do you think they’re a terrible person, and that’s why you’re rejecting them? Let’s hope not!
Most likely, this person doesn’t seem like a suitable match for you. That could be the case for any number of reasons, including the fact that they live too far away, that they express different relationship objectives from yours, or that they are not physically attractive to you.
It’s OK to reject other people when searching for a match; it’s just part of the dating process. It’s important to keep things in perspective and realize that dating rejection is unavoidable in the big picture of dating. The choices available to each person must be chosen. In the same way that you do not pick everyone else, not everyone will pick you.
Don’t Insult Them
Seems like common sense, right? Actually, it’s not. We’re well aware that this isn’t the case for everyone, but it’s unfortunate to think that some people, when they don’t get the response they were hoping for, turn to name-calling.
You can’t be all compliments for the person you have a crush on one minute and then entirely flip your opinion because they said “no thanks.” Just because they said no doesn’t make it personal or suggest you did anything wrong. Certain things are just beyond your ability to control.
Take the Rejection
Acceptance of the dating rejection is the only route to recovery. The revelation will hurt, and you may get upset, but these are all normal reactions. If you need a moment, take it, but when you do respond, do it with maturity and grace. Likely, they were probably scared to tell you about it, so reassure them. Tell them how much you’ve enjoyed spending time with them, which leads us to the following tip.
Be Honest
Be open and honest with yourself about your emotions. Recognize such feelings, but also make sure you know how to manage them. Don’t let your emotions take over and direct your anger at the person rejecting you. If you wish to tell them how you feel, do it in a cool, collected, yet honest way.
No one wants a screenshot of their rage texts to go viral on the internet and be memed into oblivion. We get that it hurts, but there are three sides to every story–yours, theirs, and the truth. Trust us and err on the side of caution.
Do Not Attempt to Change Their Mind
Writing them a passionate and well-reasoned message pleading with them to change their minds won’t help your case. Many of us have had the thought (usually while drunk but sometimes sober), “This message to the ex is such an amazing idea,” but we quickly realized it was, in fact, a truly awful one.
No one truly wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them, even if they are the only one you want to be with ATM. You are deserving of much more than that.
Try Not to Obsess
Everyone has to deal with rejection at some point in their lives. No cap; each and every person on the planet. It may seem important at the moment. It’s essential to keep in mind that there might be a million different reasons why they aren’t interested in going out again. It might be due to their own anxieties, those of their families or coworkers, or their jobs.
Very few of the causes are related to you or were brought on by you. Don’t tell yourself you’re dumb. Failure teaches us more than success in most cases. You are not at fault, and being rejected is not who you are.
