Etiquette plays a big part in our lives—the old proverb “manners maketh the man” was well-known before Colin Firth said it in the movie Kingsman: The Secret Service. And while we are on our best behavior in most everyday social situations, sometimes we can fall short when it comes to dating. Specifically, dating app etiquette.
Now, there is no Emily Post guide on how to behave politely online—maybe there should be, but most of it is common sense. There is a gray area, though, and we are going to address it here: The etiquette of unmatching on dating apps. We’ll cover when and how to do it respectfully.
Because it’s not just about clicking a button, feelings could be involved, so you have to handle it with a little sensitivity. Our etiquette guide is going to shed some light on the nuances of unmatching people on dating apps, with advice on how to end digital connections with politeness and respect.
Knowing When It’s Time to Unmatch
Sometimes, despite our hopes, a match doesn’t turn into a good connection. Knowing when it’s time to hit that unmatch button is important for both you and your matches!
Lack of Interest
If there’s no spark, there is no spark—you can’t fake it or hope it suddenly happens. And if it is nonexistent, it’s fair to both of you to move on. Not every match leads to a connection, and that’s totally okay!
Incompatibility
Finding out you have wildly differing values or life goals is a flashing neon sign that it might be best to unmatch and free up space in your inbox for more compatible connections.
Uncomfortable Conversations
If you are feeling uneasy or unsafe with a match, that is a definite signal that it’s time to click on that unmatch button. Your well-being and security should always come first!
Ghosting
If your messages go unanswered for a long stretch, it’s totally okay to unmatch. If you are feeling super considerate, you can fire off a quick, courteous message before doing so, but don’t feel obligated to do this.
Mutual Disinterest
When conversations just kinda fizzle out, it’s often a mutual thing between people. Recognizing this can make unmatching a simple decision, and hey, no hard feelings!
How to Unmatch Respectfully
Although it may not seem like it, unmatching can be done gracefully, leaving both people with a feeling of closure. How? Just look below for some tips!
Send a Polite Message
A short, kind message can make the experience less harsh, especially if you’ve chatted a bit or had decent interactions. Try to end things on a positive note.
Be Honest but Kind
While honesty is important, it’s equally important to get your message across with kindness to avoid any unnecessary hurt to another person. Don’t be mean.
Timing is Everything
Worried you’re being left on read? Take a breath and allow some time for your message to be seen before you decide to unmatch! Not everyone is glued to their phone 24/7. That being said, you don’t need to wait too long. 24 hours is often enough time.
Privacy Matters
Look, this part sucks, but we have to warn you—write your message knowing that it could possibly be shared with others, possibly screenshotted and posted on the internet. Always choose your words wisely.
It’s Okay to Just Unmatch
In a lot of cases, particularly if the conversation is brief or awkward, unmatching without a message is perfectly acceptable.
When It’s Absolutely Fine to Just Unmatch
There are circumstances where unmatching without further ado is not only acceptable, but we absolutely recommend it!
Disrespectful or Rude Behavior
If a match crosses the line into disrespect or rudeness, you owe them nothing—not even an explanation. Your primary obligation is to your own well-being, and you have our blessing to unmatch with zero fanfare.
Inappropriate Content
If someone on a dating app sends you inappropriate or unsolicited content or asks you to send them something you are uncomfortable with, that’s a huge red flag. Protecting yourself by unmatching immediately is your best move in these situations.
Harassment
Any form of harassment is completely unacceptable. In these cases, unmatching without engaging in any way is the safest course of action.
The Aftermath of the Unmatch
Post-unmatch feelings can vary from not giving it a second thought to feeling bad or guilty about it, so it’s important to be kind to yourself and not dwell on it too much!
Reflect on the Experience
Every interaction, no matter how brief or how it ends, can teach us something, so mulling it over can help give you clarity about what you’re really looking for in a romantic partner.
Keep Your Chin Up
Staying positive and having a sunny disposition during dating is an important part of the whole process! Think about it like this: Every unmatch is bringing you one step closer to finding the right match for you.
Respect Their Privacy
Should you happen to encounter an unmatched person in the real world (yes, this happens unfortunately), under no circumstances should you bring up that you know them from a dating app.
Don’t Dwell on It
Fixating on past unmatches can set back your dating progress, so keep looking forward! Don’t dwell on something that wasn’t going to work—you unmatched them for a reason.
Self-Care is a Must
Feeling guilty after an unmatch? Take a timeout for some self-care. Surrounding yourself with friends and hobbies or even taking a break from dating apps can be super helpful in this regard.
The Bigger Picture
Unmatching is part and parcel of online dating—it comes with the territory, and it happens to everyone. It’s normal to acknowledge when connections aren’t right for you, but doing so with compassion is best for all involved.
Final Thoughts
All interactions on dating apps are a chance to practice kindness and respect—even when ending connections. Unmatching, when done thoughtfully, respects both your needs and those of your match.
It’s about making space for new connections that are more in line with what you’re looking for and practicing the golden rule of treating others how you want to be treated.
