It’s hard to believe that you might find your one true love that starts as a dating app match; trust me, I was the biggest doubter of them. While going on dating apps can be extremely fun and exciting — and might be something to help you pass the time when you’re single — many people gloss over the fact that if they really wanted to, they could find their person online and learn what they want from a partner in the long run.
While we want you to make the most out of your time on dating apps, date outside of your comfort zone, and even match with people who you might not see as strong of a possible future with, we also want to give you the best tools and advice for finding success on these apps and even meeting your partner as fast as possible.
After all, while dating apps are fun for a bit, the apps also have the tools and the success rates to make it possible for all of their users to find great success on the apps. And no matter how much fun people have scrolling through apps, most people want to end up deleting them and finding their happily ever after.
If you’re wondering how to find the most success on dating apps in no time flat, we’re here to help. Here are the best questions you can ask a potential partner to know if they’re worth sticking around the apps for.
Why Asking Your Dating App Match the Right Questions Matter
Knowing what you want to find and glean from your time on dating apps is one of the fastest and best ways to achieve success. When you download a dating app, you’re often met with thousands of potential suitors and matches. While it might be fun to scroll through and see all that the app has to offer you, you also want to remain focused and figure out what you want and how to get it.
While you can modify your filters on the dating app search bar and change what you’re looking for in a partner whenever you want to, changing where your dating app match is located, their distance from you, and even modifying your age range won’t necessarily weed out anyone with whom you might not have too much in common.
Today, we’re sharing our favorite questions you should ask your potential partner before you go too far and spend too much time on them. While we don’t suggest you interrogate them or send them a survey to answer, you can pick and choose which of the following questions stand out to you most and then find a way to work them into your natural conversation. This will save you time and energy for the people who might work out in the long run.
Another reason you want to use direct and tactical questions is to have good conversations on the apps. There’s no need to be boring and message with an obligatory and run-of-the-mill, ‘what’s up’ or ‘hi.’ These messages usually don’t set you up for success and can kill the conversation before it starts.
Instead, focus on pointed questions that will get great information from your potential partner while keeping the conversation interesting and engaging.
1. Ask Your Dating App Match Where They’re From
One of the best ways to get to know someone is to know their origins. If you’re a college student matching with other students, your date will likely not be from the same town your college is in. If you’re an adult, your dating app match probably moved to your location at some point in their life, and there’s a personal story about why they moved. While this question is slightly basic and isn’t the most interesting question you could ask, it does get the ball moving and shows your date that you’re interested in them and what they have to say.
2. Ask Them About Their Non-Negotiables
We talk a lot on this website about knowing what you want and don’t want and always knowing and using your boundaries. But something we don’t always discuss is your match’s non-negotiables. Odds are, they have some boundaries, or hard no’s for their potential relationships. It might be good of you to ask what they are so that you won’t waste any of their time if you don’t fit into their criteria. It’s also good to bring the subject up anyway because even if you fit all of their wants and desires, they might not fit yours, and you can tell immediately.
3. Ask Your Dating App Match What Their Personality Type Is
Knowing your potential partner’s personality type isn’t the most important thing. Still, it is helpful when trying to see if you can envision a future with them. Whether you want to discuss their Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, star sign, or whatever personality test is trending right now, it might be good for you to know how they approach the world and what they really want out of life.
You can read into this section as much as you want. I know not everyone believes in personality types, but they can be quite helpful when deciding if the person you’re talking to is a good fit for you.
4. Ask Them What They Do When They’re off of Work
My fiancé and I recently had one of his friends visit, and she asked me something I don’t believe I’ve ever been asked before. She asked what I do in life. She prefaced it by telling me she didn’t want to hear what I did for work, but instead, what I did to bring me joy.
I don’t think enough people ask that question, and it really honored and blessed me. It also made me a bit introspective, and I began to wonder what I did to actually feed my soul. While your partner’s occupation does matter a bit when you’re getting to know them, more than likely, their job will be on their bio. Ask them this question instead and start getting into deeper conversations.
5. Ask Them What’s One TV Show or Movie They’ve Seen More than Three Times
I Iove this question because it also doesn’t get asked enough. Yes, you probably have a favorite movie, but do you have a movie you watch every year? Have you seen Gilmore Girls thirteen times? You can even ask them about their favorite book, too, as people usually have their comfort reads that they go back to all the time. This is a fantastic question because you can immediately see what interests them. If it doesn’t work out, you have a fantastic recommendation from someone on what to watch.
6. Ask Your Dating App Match What Their Favorite Chore Is
Weird question, right? Not really. If you’re planning on dating someone and hopefully even seeing a future with them, you’re going to get to the point where the two of you are living together and divvying up household tasks. Don’t worry; we’re not jumping the gun and telling you to put them to work before the first date.
We’re not telling you to leave a conversation if the person doesn’t have a euphoric feeling surrounding doing the dishes, but maybe take their likes and dislikes about household chores into account when deciding whether to date them for the long run.
7. Ask Them What They Listen to in the Car or on Road Trips
This is also a brilliant question if you want to get to know someone as quickly as possible, but also on a deeper level than most questions would allow you to get to. What someone listens to in the car says a lot about them.
- Are they a musical theatre nerd who always has a soundtrack going to sing along to? If you hate theatre, this is a good way to be fair-warned.
- Are they a top artists kind of person who is always listening to their Release Radar and has their finger on the pulse of all things music?
- Are they podcast listeners who always want to come out of a long drive more enriched than they came into it? Do they love audiobooks and always have one going?
Personally, I listen to a Dungeons and Dragons podcast every time I drive, but that’s not the only turnoff. The podcast is also always at 2.5 times the speed, so it’s gibberish to most people. This would annoy the crap out of most people looking to ride with me in a car, so I like to give them that disclaimer. Even though it might sound silly or trivial, knowing what a person listens to in their car and how they spend their driving time opens up a whole new window into their personal life that not many people think to ask until they’re stuck on an eight-hour road trip listening to D&D.
8. Ask Your Dating App Match What a Typical Week in Their Life Looks Like
This is one of the more important questions to ask someone if you’re trying to decide if they will make it with you. If you’re talking to someone with a corporate 9-5 job, ask them what they do when they get off.
But, because it’s 2023, they also might not have a ‘typical’ job. If they work from home, freelance, or work odd hours, you’ll want to know that, too, because it will affect how and when you get to see them. We’re not saying don’t date a freelancer (we’re pretty amazing), but if you’re used to a more rigid 9-5 schedule and talking to someone who works two days a week or daily for a small amount of time, that’s something to consider when you’re trying to visualize a life together… or just find a time to get a cup of coffee with them.
9. Ask Them about Their History on the Apps
This is also a rather personal conversation, so if the person you’re messaging doesn’t seem comfortable answering it, please don’t make them. This also might just be a question that’s better asked in person and on one of the later dates than first thing. But you can approach the topic and see how they respond.
You can also assess how long they’ve been on the apps from this question. If they have a hoard of dating app horror stories, they’re probably seasoned dating app veterans (or have terrible luck and taste). If they’ve never been on a date from a dating app, that’s also valuable information for you to know because they might be nervous about pulling the trigger and asking someone out on a dating app.
That’s a great way to ask more questions and see why their history is the way that it is. You also might get some pretty funny stories out of the question.
This one is for those daters who are looking to get real. Are you considering flying across the country to meet your dating app match in person? This may be a great step to take before you do that. If you’re working your way up to meet each other in person but want to be sure you want to take it further, a night like this can be invaluable! Take your relationship to the next level with meaningful questions that shine a light on whether they may be the perfect person for you, and answer significant queries in return!
10. Ask Your Dating App Match What Their Ideal Sunday Night Routine Is
We’re rounding off the list with this final question because I love it. If you’ve gone through all the other questions, you’ll have a pretty good view of what your dating app match does on the weekends, in their car, during their workday, and to feed their soul. But you haven’t asked about the mundane everyday boring moments that so many people face all the time.
Everyone has a different way to unwind and take a load off.
You might take up embroidery or play Animal Crossing. Others might clean their entire house and plan their week out in their bullet journal. Others still might park themselves in front of the TV all Sunday and watch Netflix until they fall asleep. The one common thread in all these people and options is that everyone has free time when nothing’s happening, so it matters what they do with it.
Now, don’t worry or read too far into it if your ideal Sunday night involves a quiet and introverted moment spent reading a book on your couch and your match’s ideal night is going out and having a party; opposites tend to attract, and it isn’t necessarily the kiss of death if the two of you unwind differently, but just take it into consideration when you’re thinking about life with them in the long run.
11. Ask Your Dating App Match What the Best Compliment They’ve Ever Received Was
This is a place for them to humble brag, but also a question that will let you get to know them in a unique way. We all receive tons of compliments in our life, and sometimes, a few stand out to us. This question is also a great conversation starter if you want to start getting deep and talking about the things that matter in the long run. But how your dating app match responds to this question might be more telling than you think.
- They might really care about how they’re perceived and their looks, so they’ll talk about a compliment they got about their outward appearance.
- They might care about their success and being defined by what they’ve accomplished, so they might mention a time when they were praised at work.
- They might also want to be remembered for their lovely attitude, so they might mention a time when someone said something about their kind and loving spirit.
There’s no wrong answer to this question; it’s just a tantalizingly deep one.