How to Write a First Message That Gets Noticed: 5 Great Tips!

Man Holding Smartphone and Texting

In order to be noticed the first time you send a message on a dating app to someone you just met online, you will need to display personability, similarity, relatability, confidence, and likeability to the person you are messaging. These are things that are going to benefit you in the long run and attract plenty of great singles in your direction! 

It would be great if you could incorporate each of these five principles into your first message, but even if it is just one or two, that will still put you miles ahead of the other singles out there who are vying for the attention of the same person.   

Here are five great tips for getting noticed right away with your first message! 

#1: Begin the Message Using Their Name

We have sifted through a ton of first message examples from our archives. There are more than we care to mention that show absolutely no salesmanship, creativity, or imagination whatsoever. It’s actually really embarrassing how little time and thought people generally put into the first message they send on an online dating app. The entire goal of the first message is to catch the attention of the reader and get them interested in talking with you!

A lot of the message examples that we have seen generally start off with phrases or sayings like “hey!” or “hey, how is it going?” or “how are you doing?” Needless to say, these kinds of messages are not really attention-getting because they are exactly the same as about half of the other messages that someone can expect to get while using a dating app! 

This is where personability comes into play when you begin writing your first message. Begin the message using the name of the person first before launching into the main part of the message. This is a way that you can make an immediate connection, taking the time to acknowledge them as a person, as an individual. They are not 1 of 90 people that got a copied-and-pasted “hey, how’s it going?

#2: Share Something That You Have in Common

A great way to get some conversation flowing on a dating app is to find some common ground (or a similarity) with the person you are messaging. This is where it becomes really important to check out their online dating profile ahead of time to see what they like to do in their free time and what kind of interests or hobbies they occupy themselves with.

For instance, if you find out that you are both into craft cocktails, you could write a first message drawing attention to this fact and then talking about your favorite places to get a good drink or different events coming up in the local area that involves craft cocktails!

Compare “Ashley, I saw that you like craft cocktails just like me! Have you ever been to Homestead Kitchen in Columbiana? It’s my favorite place to grab an Old Fashioned!” to “Hey, what’s up?” are there is no doubt as to which message is going to generate a better response!

#3: Use Humor

It is important to incorporate humor into the first message that you send to someone on a dating app. Humor can do wonders for breaking the ice or putting the recipient of the message at ease! When you show someone that you have a sense of humor, you have much more relatability than someone who sends a boring generic message that just doesn’t connect.

Here are a few examples of how you could use humor in an opening line to come across as more relatable to the recipient:  

  • “Kara, I’m so glad we matched when we did because my thumb was getting tired!”
  • “Sadie, should I start this conversation with a bad pickup line or just by saying hello?”
  • “Chloe, is our anniversary when we first matched or when we first messaged?”

#4: Make the First Message Simple and Straightforward

When it comes to writing a first message that stands out and gets the recipient interested in starting a conversation, we recommend keeping things simple and straightforward. This means that you should not send a message that consists of multiple paragraphs or messages that include your entire life story.

If you send an essay as your first message, one of two things might occur. The recipient is going to take one look at that huge wall of text and think to themselves, “there is no way that I’m going to read all of this” and they will move on to other messages. Or the longer message could intrigue them, and they might start reading some but then give up when they find out that you are either a bore, long-winded, or someone who just shares way too much!

For a first dating app message, 2 or 3 sentences will do the trick and communicate your message clearly (and if you write it well enough, it will communicate your message with a touch of confidence)!

Dating App First Message

#5: Avoid Talking about the Appearance Right Away

Unless you are looking for a super casual relationship with the person you are messaging, we recommend not mentioning anything about their looks in the first message that you send. This can often send the wrong impression about your intentions, even if you meant it in a sincere, innocent sense! Keep things focused on building the relationship and not on superficialities like someone’s clothes, body, or hair.  

Likeability is the key to getting singles interested in talking with you. The fact that you are messaging them already tells them that you think they are attractive. There is no need to underline this by sending a dumb message like “wow, you are absolutely gorgeous” or “those eyes of yours are unlike anything I have ever seen.” It all sounds so worn out, tired, and cliched. 

Instead, it might be interesting and more fun, to begin with, some funny hypotheticals like:

  • “I’m going to let you assume three things about me based on my profile. Go!”
  • “Given the choice, would you rather have nosy neighbors or noisy neighbors?”
  • “Immortality or invisibility?”
  • “What kind of man would you fall in love with right away?”
  • “If you had a crystal ball that could tell you anything you want to know about your future, what would you ask it?”

Matt Marino
Matt Marino

Matt Marino is an online content writer for, specializing in trending blogs and dating app reviews. He is a graduate of Geneva College with a Bachelor of the Arts in Communications.