10 Online Dating Mistakes to Avoid When Sending Messages

Man Looking Tensed - Frustrated Young Woman

Many wonder how to write a dating app message that really connects them with their match in a personal and meaningful way. What to say in a dating app message is important but is it equally important the things you choose not to say or do in those initial interactions. We will focus on some dating app message tips, specifically the mistakes that you should avoid when putting together a new dating app message for the first time!

If you are ready to send a first dating app message that generates interest with your match and leads to quality relationship building, check out one of our best online dating apps and create a new account today! You will also find some great dating app message ideas and dating app message advice along the way.

Never underestimate the importance of a strong dating app first message. They could help you clinch the deal.

#1: Dating Message Questions That Can Be Answered With “Yes” or ‘No” Kill Conversation

Dating app message ideas do not have to be complicated, but you will want to avoid asking questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” at all costs. They do not stimulate a good, interesting conversation and can result in you jumping from subject to subject, struggling to find something to latch onto. You need to be a bit more thoughtful in what kind of questions you ask in order to get a good, organic conversation flowing with your match.

Many wonder how to write a successful dating app message, and one of the best tips we have is to ask interesting, open-ended questions. You can use these to your advantage and ask questions that let you get to know your match and their interests, character, and preferences. When it comes to engaging questions or prompts, some good dating app first message examples include:

  • What would be your dream job?
  • Tell me about one of your best all-time memories.
  • What is one of your proudest accomplishments?
  • What is something that you are always up to doing?
  • Tell me about someone who is really important in your life.
Boring Conversation on Text

#2: Improper Grammar in Your First Dating App Message Can Come Off as Sloppy

Using improper grammar, having a lot of misspellings in your dating app messages, or using zero punctuation that results in long, annoying run-on sentences can make you come off as lazy, uneducated, or lacking in self-awareness.

The great news is that there are plenty of resources and tools today (spell-check, autocorrect, etc.) that can help you along in crafting dating app messages that sound somewhat intelligent and coherent. One of our best dating app message tips is to simply review any messages before sending them. You will want dating app messages that are free of the most common errors, ones that will draw the wrong kind of attention from your match.

#3: Inappropriate or Foul Language Can Jeopardize Your Chances

While there can be a time and place for inappropriate or foul language in relationships, that time and place is definitely not right away or even early on in your dating app messages. This kind of language can be worked in with time once you get to know the sensibilities of your match. But for the time, avoid inappropriate or foul language in the early stages of building the relationship.

Two Cartoons of iPhones, One With Speech Bubble and Symbols, the Other with Speech Bubble and a Cringey Emoji

Avoid talking about your match’s body or looks in a superficial or sensual sense early on. You might come across as trying to simply get them into bed, uninterested in truly knowing them as a person. This means you should also avoid talking about sex until a more appropriate time.

You should also avoid cursing to some extent until you can figure out how comfortable your match is with crude language. You are just getting to know your match, and cursing on a first date or during a first dating app message could send them the wrong impression. This is another thing that can be slowly eased into as you get to know your match.

#4: Cringe-Inducing Language or Emojis in Your Dating App Message Can Be Your Undoing

Messages that have an excessive amount of emojis, that are written in all caps, or feature overly emotional or theatrical language can often times across as extremely cringey and could potentially turn off your match.

You definitely want to be yourself but if you are a theatrical person at heart or someone who wears their emotions on their sleeves, you might want to reign in some of that passion a bit until your match can get to know that side of you. Often, it can come across as too intense or awkward.

#5: Self-Deprecation or Emotional Insecurity Have No Place in Your Online Dating Messages

It might sound tired and cliched at this point but one of the best bits of dating app message advice we can give is that confidence is key! For some reason, some people who use dating apps feel that they can come across as appealing or intriguing to their match if they put themselves down or come across as a tortured soul or a pathetic sad sack who cannot catch a break. This is not a good strategy at all. In fact, it is confidence and positivity that will carry you a long way!

Don’t put your insecurities out on full display in your dating app messages. It comes off as if you are fishing around for compliments or simply looking for someone who will make you feel better about yourself. Nobody really wants that responsibility.

#6: Being Too Transparent Right Off the Bat Can Scare Off Your Match

If you get too heavy with your personal life right away in your dating app messages, this can really be a turn-off for your match. You want to share enough with your date in order for them to know who you are, but you do not have to give them your entire life story in the first few messages you send.

We do not advise hiding your deepest, darkest secrets from your match, but there is a time and place to share things that are personal to you.

The first string of dating app messages is definitely not the right venue for that. Give your match a chance to know you before slamming them with your story of a tough breakup or your struggles with a member of your family.

#7: Little Interest or Enthusiasm in Your Dating App Messages Will Show

It is important to show interest in your match before asking them on that first date. One of the best ways to do this is through dating app messages where you can build a relationship by asking interesting questions or sharing personal stories. If you show no interest in the relationship-building process, you might come off as insincere or unenthused.

If you cut right to the chase and ask for that first date without first showing interest in getting to know your match, you might come off as desperate to go out with anyone so long as they are breathing and have a pulse. You will want to put some salesmanship into your interaction. You don’t come across as being on autopilot, jumping through the hoops of initial questions in order to secure that first date.

#8: Dating App Messages Should Not Be Boilerplate or Generic

One of the worst things you could do in your first dating app messages is to copy and paste cliched first date questions or tired pickup phrases to your match. Not only can you come across as unoriginal but also cartoonish, employing strategies and tricks that are commonly seen in films and TV shows.

Stand out with sincere, personalized messages to your match. This is a person on the other end of the dating app message. Your are building a relationship with them. Put in the time to get to know them in a quality way by asking good questions that reveal things about their personality and character.

Please Note: While copying and pasting content might seem like it will save you time (especially if you are talking with other matches at the same time), it will ultimately come off as hackneyed and lazy.

#9: Never Lie About Who You Are or How You Look

When it comes to what to say in a dating app first message, honesty is always the best policy. This applies to who you are as an individual and what you look like. Be honest about your character, your beliefs, your interests, and the things that matter to you. You will create a lot more work for yourself later if you lie about these things in your first dating app messages.

And if you are going to share a picture of yourself, make sure it is of you! Not a picture of Chris Hemsworth or Beyonce!

There are plenty of people online who are deceptive about who they are. This is known as catfishing, the process of luring someone into a relationship by using a fictional online persona. This phenomenon has been so prevalent over the last twenty or so years that they developed a TV show about it!

For more information on catfishing, what it is, and how it happens, be sure to check the following video.

#10: Failing to Set Up a Meet Time IRL is a Recipe for Disaster

One of the best moves when it comes to online dating message tips is to nail down a time to meet your match in person! Failing to do this in the early stages could convey the idea that you are uninterested in meeting your match or that you have something to hide. Arranging for a time to see them is a good way to show that you are a take-charge kind of person and that your intention is to take the relationship to that next level.

Asking for a time to meet could be the thing that sets you apart from your match’s other matches! Strike while the iron is hot and set up a time to meet your match in person!

If you are ready to begin developing a good, organic connection with your match via dating app messaging, create a new account at one of our best dating apps for 2024!