The Intimacy Check-in | A Regular Review for a Happier Marriage

married couple in bed talking with hearts around them

Being in a happy, loving marriage is indeed one of the most wonderful things out there. You have found your other half—what else could you ask for?

And of course, you want to keep it that way! But how can you make sure it stays the happiest it can be for both of you? With an easy exercise that is known as the intimacy check-in. No, it’s not just about the physical part (although you should address any issues in that area), but about open dialogue for all the intimacy areas of your relationship, including emotional, intellectual, and spiritual!

Even if your partnership seems to be running like a well-oiled machine, a little routine maintenance can’t hurt—it can only help. It is always beneficial to touch base with your significant other so minor problems don’t build up into resentment if left unspoken.

If you tackle these early on, you can both share your feelings and adjust accordingly to keep those little issues from becoming big ones.

We are going to tell you how to perform an intimacy check-in and give you some questions you and your spouse can ask each other during it!

man kissing woman on forehead

The Why and The How of Intimacy Check-ins

An intimacy check-in is an intentional, dedicated time for couples to touch base on the emotional, physical, and spiritual dimensions of their relationship. It’s a space to explore their feelings, wants, and needs without distractions or judgment. Think of it as a therapy session but without the therapist—a pause for the two of you to reconnect and realign so your relationship keeps humming along.

woman leaning on man shoulder

The Stage for Your Intimacy Check-in

Where should you do your check-in? In a comfy and private setting. This isn’t a chat to have in public over a meal or with half an eye on the TV or your phone. Find a spot where you both feel comfortable and won’t be disturbed by any interruptions. Setting aside deliberate time on a regular basis helps, too—be it weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly. Just find what works for you!

man and woman hugging

The Framework of Communication

Communication during these check-ins should be open, honest, and empathetic. Practice active listening, which means really hearing your partner, understanding their perspective, and responding thoughtfully. This exercise is not about solving every issue right there and then—it’s just a way to communicate with one another in a healthy way.

10 Questions for Your Intimacy Check-In

For your state-of-the-union, we came up with 10 thoughtful questions that are designed to explore different areas of your relationship, from emotional connectivity to physical intimacy, but you can ask whatever you want! We just want to help you get off the ground if you don’t know where to begin.

question mark in heart

1. How have you been feeling about our relationship lately?

This question opens the door to discussing the general state of your union, offering a broad canvas to express satisfaction, concerns, or wants.

question mark in heart

2. Is there something you’ve wanted to try with me but haven’t mentioned yet?

Here’s your chance to open the door to exploring any desires or activities (in the bedroom or out of the bedroom) that could breathe new life into your relationship.

question mark in heart

3. Do you feel your needs (emotional, physical, etc.) are being met?

This question encourages a candid talk about needs, whether met or unmet, and how both can contribute to fulfilling them.

question mark in heart

4. What’s one thing I did that made you feel loved and appreciated recently?

Recognizing and acknowledging acts of love strengthens your bond and encourages more of the same gestures.

question mark in heart

5. Is there anything we’ve been avoiding talking about?

This question gently prods at potentially sensitive topics, allowing for a healthy discussion about anything that either one of you has been dancing around or afraid to bring up.

question mark in heart

6. How can we make our daily lives together more fulfilling?

It’s about finding joy in the everyday–talking about small adjustments or habits that can increase daily happiness.

question mark in heart

7. Are we spending enough quality time together? What does an ideal day or evening with me look like?

Checking in on the quantity and quality of your shared time can help you better arrange your schedules with your emotional needs.

question mark in heart

8. How can I support you better in your goals and dreams?

This emphasizes the importance of supporting each other as romantic partners and as people with personal aspirations.

question mark in heart

9. How do you feel about our intimacy and connection recently?

Directly addressing your intimate connection can really help you understand each other’s current feelings and needs.

question mark in heart

10. What are you looking forward to in our future together?

Ending on a hopeful note, this question lets you dream and plan together, reaffirming any and all common goals and aspirations.

man and woman smiling having coffee

Navigating the Outcomes

The ultimate goal of these check-ins isn’t to keep score or to win an argument—it’s to build a better understanding and a better connection. Of course, some conversations might be harder or outright uncomfortable, but approaching them with thoughtfulness, respect, and a genuine want to make sure your marriage remains on solid footing will only make your bond better.

If you want to have successful intimacy check-ins, you need to do them on the reg. Whether it’s once a month or once every two or three months, set a consistent schedule so that these convos—and any issues—don’t fall through the cracks. Don’t pencil it into your routine—write it in a Sharpie! The goal is to nurture and strengthen your bond, cutting off any potential issues at the pass before they turn into problems.

Final Thoughts

Marriage is a partnership—a team effort, a dynamic duo if you will, that is determined to face life’s many ups and downs together. Regular intimacy check-ins are a powerful tool in guaranteeing this partnership not only survives but thrives!

This isn’t just about troubleshooting; it’s about consciously taking the time and effort to invest in your relationship’s health and happiness. By asking the right questions and actively listening to each other’s responses, you can create a stronger, more intimate connection. And if you’re worried about asking a “wrong” question, don’t be—the only bad question is the one you don’t ask.

Put an intimacy check-in on the calendar or whiteboard—you’ll find out how this simple practice can bring you closer. A happy marriage doesn’t just come down to luck; it needs effort, understanding, and a whole lot of love to boot.

Abigail Langton
Abigail Langton

Abigail Langton spends her time deep diving into the facts readers want to know about current dating apps online. You'll find her breaking down the latest price points and how to stay secure dating online.